News from the Natural World: Planet Earth has entered into a ‘7th Extinction’ as climate scientists all over the world are executed.
Planet Earth has previously experienced 6 great mass extinctions. These previous extinctions were characterised by the loss of at least 75% of species. This loss has to have been within a relatively short period of time. The 6th Extinction was the first to be solely caused by one species, humans.
Planet Earth enters 7th extinction
However, yesterday afternoon, there was a shocking display of premeditated international violence. Every single Climate Scientist, Environmental Scientist as well as Biologist was executed. Just to be sure anyone who achieved at least a Grade C in GCSE Science or Geography was also killed. When asked who was funding this purge one executioner mentioned that she thought she saw a couple of BP logos. Though she couldn’t be sure and she thought she’d also seen the logos of Shell, Gazprom & Saudi Aramco.
The event was rapid and widespread in scale. It also had people all over the world rushing to deny climate change. Many even started to celebrate the continued destruction of the planet. However, many tried to hide their ideals during the great climate purge. But the executioners had a cunning trick up there sleeve. They performed a simple IQ test. Ultimately anyone above an IQ of 65 was deemed to be guilty. Every single one of them was rounded up with the rest of the scientists and environmentalists. This marks the end of the great 6th mass extinction. As we enter into a new 7th great extinction it is truly a dark day for humanity.