News from the Natural World: Buddha has decided he will stop reincarnating people as humans. He will instead reincarnate them as critically endangered animals in an effort to combat species loss.
The move has been widely lauded as an incredibly simple fix to all of planet earths bio-diversity crises and an extremely easy was to halt the extinction of critically endangered animals. With over 150,000 people dying every day, Buddha could immediately halt the decline of the 150 most critically endangered animals on the planet. It estimated that he could add 1,000 animals to 150 species within 24 hours, with each subsequent day he could then add 1,000 animals to the next most endangered, and so on and so on. Until returning to the first group and systematically adding more animals to their number.
Buddha will stop reincarnating people as humans.
As the obviousness of this solution became clear, many reacted with outrage. They asked why hadn’t Buddha done this before, why hadn’t he stopped reincarnating people as humans years ago and added in the odd Amur Leopard or Northern White Rhino. As online criticism mounted Buddha was accused of laziness for not acting sooner. He finally decided to answer his critics. He argued that he thought he could trust humanity and that they would clearly see the error of their ways. Because all life on earth was interdependent and humans were just one species in the vast self-sustaining multitudinous web of organisms that made up the natural world.
He went on to state that he never intended for there to be 7 billion humans. He’d actually gone for a nap before the industrial revolution. Buddha felt this was the moment that humans would see that their own survival was linked to sustaining biodiversity. He had accidentally left his “reincarnation alarm” on silent mode and auto-tuned to “reincarnate as humans”. Upon waking up he witnessed the colossal loss of many of his favourite species and set about addressing the problem. He started his first day of his new reincarnation policy;
Buddha to change reincarnation policy.
Day 1 – Buddha’s new reincarnation policy – 150,000 human deaths March 15th 2020
- 10,000 humans reincarnated
- Vaquita – 39 left – Topped up to 10,000
- Mountain Gorilla – 900 left – Topped up to 10,000
- Amur Leopard – 70 left – Topped up to 10,000
- Javan Rhino – 48 left – Topped up to 10,000
- Remaining 100,000 lives distributed across top 100 endangered species
Conservationists who worked to protect the above animals woke up to scenes of absolute jubilation and joy, with one passionate Russian scientist openly weeping for joy after spending 30 years fighting to save the Amur Leopard only to see their number rebound to 10,000 individuals. Buddha’s move is a turning point in the history of the human race. Some have even called it a watershed moment for all life on earth. If only all God’s used their powers for good rather than as abstract myths created by humanity to proliferate the continued destruction of all life on earth for personal gain and profit.
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