“Buddha to stop reincarnating people as humans to fight climate change”

News from the Natural World: Buddha has decided he will stop reincarnating people as humans. He will instead reincarnate them as critically endangered animals in an effort to combat species loss.

The move has been widely lauded as an incredibly simple fix to all of planet earths bio-diversity crises and an extremely easy was to halt the extinction of critically endangered animals. With over 150,000 people dying every day, Buddha could immediately halt the decline of the 150 most critically endangered animals on the planet. It estimated that he could add 1,000 animals to 150 species within 24 hours, with each subsequent day he could then add 1,000 animals to the next most endangered, and so on and so on. Until returning to the first group and systematically adding more animals to their number.

Buddha will stop reincarnating people as humans.

As the obviousness of this solution became clear, many reacted with outrage. They asked why hadn’t Buddha done this before, why hadn’t he stopped reincarnating people as humans years ago and added in the odd Amur Leopard or Northern White Rhino. As online criticism mounted Buddha was accused of laziness for not acting sooner. He finally decided to answer his critics. He argued that he thought he could trust humanity and that they would clearly see the error of their ways. Because all life on earth was interdependent and humans were just one species in the vast self-sustaining multitudinous web of organisms that made up the natural world.

Buddha oversleeping
Buddha oversleeping

He went on to state that he never intended for there to be 7 billion humans. He’d actually gone for a nap before the industrial revolution. Buddha felt this was the moment that humans would see that their own survival was linked to sustaining biodiversity. He had accidentally left his “reincarnation alarm” on silent mode and auto-tuned to “reincarnate as humans”. Upon waking up he witnessed the colossal loss of many of his favourite species and set about addressing the problem. He started his first day of his new reincarnation policy;

Buddha to change reincarnation policy.

Day 1 – Buddha’s new reincarnation policy – 150,000 human deaths March 15th 2020

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