News from the Natural World: New data has revealed that Great White Sharks have agreed to attack and eat more humans.
Shocking new data has emerged that the ferocious species plans to increase the number of attacks on humans. This comes after a huge mix up at the 216th Annual BBS Summit (Bloody Big Shark Summit). The mistake revealed that sharks had been getting their numbers wrong all along. Previously the shark’s data set had shown that humans killed an estimated 27.3 sharks a year. Great White Sharks had been trying to keep the number of attacks they committed against humans down to a fair level. However, whilst this was very difficult to orchestrate they had been doing pretty well. They committed on average 4 fatal attacks each year and an average of under 100 attacks for 2019;
Unprovoked Attacks: 66
Provoked Attacks: 34
Boat Attacks: 9
Not Confirmed: 5
However, during an open debate forum at the BBS Summit, the lead investigator took a closer look at the numbers. They found that there had been a mistake because the numbers were wrong. The number of sharks killed by humans was not in fact 27.3 but 2.73 MILLION. This mistake prompted outrage from the gathered sharks. After a quick google search, it was in fact confirmed that humans killed on average 2.73 million sharks a year. This was around 11,417 an hour. The sharks watched videos of people eating shark fin soup and of finless sharks being hurled back into the ocean. They even saw clips of humans acting in hysteria and killing any shark they possibly could after attacks.
Great White Sharks to attack more humans.
After this shocking revelation, all gathered sharks were in unanimous agreement. They immediately decided to rapidly increase the number of attacks globally, whilst admitting that they had some way to go to catch up and make the number even, they felt that starting with a certain Steven Spielberg might go some way to evening things out.
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