“Bulls in Pamplona launch the annual ‘Running of the Human”

News from the Natural World: The annual “Running of the Human” has been announced by a group of Bulls in Pamplona.

Bulls across the Pamplona region in northern Spain have voted to hold the first annual ‘running of the human‘. The name of the event is “Feast of San Humano”. The multi-day festival will be held on 6-7th June 2020. They will use a number of randomly selected humans from the local villages. They will be led through the city streets by a bunch of daredevil bulls. The event will be a huge extravaganza and celebration. The bulls will all spend the night before getting as drunk as possible. In the morning they will whip each other into a rising crescendo of excitement. When the first human is released madness will descend.

Bulls running humans in Pamplona.
One of the Bulls getting in some practice

The Bulls plan to release the 6 humans at the top of an 848m long track. They will then chase and run after them with ferocity. The aim is to gore as many humans as possible. Whilst thousands of onlookers and revellers cheer from the sidelines. Only bulls will complete the race (just because). The humans will hurtle along the 848m track before ending the run in a large circular stadium called a “Human Ring”. All the cows will clap and cheer as the exhausted humans run around looking for a means of escape.

Bulls launch the running of the human in Pamplona.

The bulls will then take it in turns to charge and gore the humans. They will gradually humiliate, torture and kill them over a long period. The crowd will roar more and more the longer and more gruesome the spectacle. As humans are gored and maimed by the bulls they will become increasingly terrified and sh*t themselves. Blood and excrement will stain the sand.

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