News from the Natural World: God has published a new list – “10 Things I Hate About Humans”.
God has released a new list detailing all the things she has begun to hate about the human race. She wrote the list after becoming increasingly disillusioned with the useless sacks of meat that she spent a whole afternoon creating. Find out the Top 10 things God Hates About Humans below;
1. Putting Bananas in Plastic Packaging
Do you have any idea how long it took me to design the perfect natural packaging!? It’s fully biodegradable, durable and waterproof. Why the f**k would you idiots need to put it in plastic packaging!!??
2. Burning Fossil Fuels
You do realise that I created the Sun!?? It’s a HUGE ball of hydrogen and helium that generates all the heat and energy you could ever possibly need. Stop burning fossil fuels you sacks of sh*t and starting investing in renewables. I even gave you wind, wave and geothermal just in case!
3. The Dodo
The Dodo was one of my favourite animals you bast**ds. I used to keep one as a pet and you idiots killed them all, for what? For food!? Haven’t you guys heard of nuts, carbs, dairy, eggs, fruit and vegetables!?
4. Flat Earthers
Do you have any idea how long it took me to make the perfect sphere!?
You’re getting awfully close with those telescopes. Can’t a girl have some privacy!?
I’m a women you bloody idiots.