News from the Natural World: Sailfish all over the world are becoming increasingly annoyed at the human craze of “wild swimming”.
Sailfish in every sea on the planet have announced their anger at the new human craze of wild swimming. The ocean going fish first heard strange reports coming from the surface world. These reports said that a new craze had exploded in human society. “wild swimming” was the name of this new craze. The Sailfish were incredibly excited and couldn’t contain themselves. Swimming in a wild fashion was their favourite thing. They couldn’t wait to find out about this new craze that must be perfect for them. Surely it would mention their ability as the oceans wildest swimmers.
Sailfish fastest in the ocean
This is because the Sailfish is the fastest fish in the ocean. They can reach speeds of up to 110 km/h (70 mph). In addition this is the highest speed reliably reported in a fish. They are not only incredibly fast but incredibly agile as well as manoeuvrable. Also they cavort under the waves like a high speed jousting knight. Surely if humans had invented something called “wild swimming” it must mention them. Or that it would at least be something that they could join in. In the end they found out how wrong they were.
The Sailfish were incredibly disappointed by what they found. They discovered that ‘wild swimming’ was an activity solely linked to one species, humans. It had originated in a house in Islington made entirely of organic humous. Apparently you could just jump in a small lake, river, stream or even pond and call it ‘wild swimming’. The Sailfish even read about some people called “The Wild Swimming Brothers”. These three brothers went all over the world and shouted about ‘wild swimming’ whenever they could. The Sailfish thought well this must be it, these three brothers must at least be what we’re looking for….
“When we saw the top speed of ‘The Wild Swimming Brothers’ was 3.1 mph we couldn’t believe it because it was so slow. 3.1mph!!?? That’s not even slightly wild.”
When the Sailfish found out that the highest speed reached by any human was 5.05 mph they couldn’t stop laughing. They thought it was funny that humans who couldn’t even reach 10 mph would call their version of swimming ‘wild’.
Wild swimming annoys Sailfish
With this revelation the Sailfish returned to the ocean. Whilst they had previously been annoyed that humans are calling themselves “wild swimmers”. Now they are just embarrassed by humans definition of what constitutes wild. “You can keep your short slow jumps in ponds and we’ll stick to flying across the ocean currents at 70mph.”
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