News from the Natural World: Morrissey, the ex lead singer of The Smiths, has joined a vegan group who eat humans instead of vegetables.
The world famous vegan mastermind has taken his veganism one step further. Morrissey had read about the militant vegan group “Human Meat Isn’t Murder” in a previous Platypus article. As soon as he heard that a hard right vegan group was eating humans instead of vegetables he knew he had to join. He knew immediately that the only way to truly save the planet, halt climate change and slow population growth was to start eating humans.
“As soon as I heard their slogan, I knew I had to join. In truth I’d always wanted to eat humans but never had the guts.”
Girlfriend in a Korma
Morrissey admitted that life as a human was miserable. The lamenting lyrics of The Smiths have become famous the world over. Morrissey’s haunting melancholia and disillusionment with the human condition have brought him adoration. Many thought that this constant state of misery and complaining was an act. But Morrissey knew he had to put his money where his mouth was and truly show how much he hated being a human. Eating them was the perfect start.
Morrissey now a Vegan
“I’ve always known how violent the animal meat industry was and I have finally decided to fight fire with fire. I want to prove to you all that my misery is no act. I hate you all so much I will eat a human every day to save the planet.” His usual beans and pulse have been pushed back and replaced with spleens and pulse.