News from the Natural World: The rare Cuscus animal is suing the human race for copyright breach over the use of its name.
The Cuscus are marsupials with similar appearances, traits and attributes like those of lemurs. There are four different species of Cuscus. They are found all across Australasia. They are about the size of a common house cat. Also, they have a spherical head, tiny hidden ears and a long prehensile tail for clinging to trees. Famously, they have bright coloured red or green eyes as well as being masters of climbing. It was an incredibly difficult decision for the Cuscus species to come forward. They are typically very shy, rarely seen, nocturnal and kind of sluggish. However an incident happened in the Cuscus community that would change their course for ever.
One of the Cuscus, Colin, who lived in Papau New Guinea, found an iPhone left behind by a tourist. He opened the device and quickly began to learn its ways due to his nimble fingers. Colin managed to access the internet and landed on the search engine Google. He did the only thing that seemed natural to him and typed the word ‘Cus Cus’ into the search bar. His faced turned ashen grey. as he looked at the screen with abject horror…
Cuscus – did you mean Couscous?
The sarcastic bast**d replied with “Did you mean: Couscous”. Outrage spread across his face. “No I f**king didn’t mean Couscous, I meant bloody Cuscus!”. He frantically searched for this charlatan “Couscous” who was masquerading as a false idol. Finally, when he clicked the link and found that Couscous was a type of food his horror deepened. The humans robotic overlords had sidelined them in favour of crushed durum wheat semolina dish. Anger and revulsion welled up inside of Colin and he called upon his brothers and sisters to come to the aid of his species.
This was a very rare display of unity across the Cuscus community as they are typically solitary creatures who feed and nest alone. But the outrage has sparked a never before seen display of cohesion. They mobilised immediately and set about establishing a legal precedent for breach of copyright over the appropriation of their name. They also included a clause that would insist that Google remove the offensive question and reinstate them above the food. When the legal case was officially reported the human lawyer replied “What the hell is a Cuscus? I mean I’m obviously aware of the popular well loved food but I’d never heard of an animal with the same name?”
No one had heard of them before
Same name? SAME NAME? Colin the Cuscus was outraged. He read report after report of humans saying they’d never heard of his species and they had no idea they existed. How could this be true? The Cuscus was a master of its arboreal environment, a brilliant climber and robust survivor. Tears welled up in Colin’s eyes and he sobbed;
“We’ve been around for hundreds of thousands of years you bast**rds. Way before that bloody dish was invented. How can we be so invisible to you? It’s like we don’t even exist”
As the debate rages Colin leads the fight for justice for the Cuscus species.
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