News from the Natural World: Trilobites are furious at the human race for the rampant use of the ‘fossil fuel’ slur.
Trilobites were a group of extinct marine arthropods. They were certainly among the most important of all early beings. In fact, the modern world has derived all its understanding of them through studying their fossils. Trilobites often leave behind shell impressions in sediment which over millions of years solidifies into rock. At one time they came to dominate the Cambrian and early Ordovician seas. But for some unknown reason they eventually went extinct about 250 million years ago. They are perhaps one of the most widely known and commonly found fossils. Many children’s first experience of finding an ancient trilobite imprint on a rock at the beach. They overturn a stone and see a picture millions of years old. However all that changed with a recent shocking announcement.
A group of the previously extinct Trilobites was pictured wandering along the Jurassic Coast in Dorset, England. They headed straight for the nearest cafe, well you’d want a cup of tea after being asleep for 250 million years wouldn’t you! They sat down and the TV above them was blurring out the news. The Trilobites watch on with horror as story after story flashed across the screen. The stories showed how humans all across the world had been burning fuel and destroying the planet. This fuel was expensive and difficult to mine for and resulted in the colossal destruction of the natural world. In addition when it was burnt it released dangerous gases into the earths atmosphere and was resulting in a mass 6th extinction of all life on earth. The human word for this was “Fossil Fuels”. The Trilobites were not happy.
Trilobites furious at “Fossil Fuel
How dare the human race use their name as a horrendous slur. All over the world people were screaming and raving about the horror of fossil fuels. Tarnishing the good name of the Trilobite community. The Trilobites were livid, “Why don’t you call it something else!? Why don’t you call them “Human Greed Fuels!? Do you really have to ruin the good name of fossils all over the world.” They were incensed, just you wait until the Dinosaurs hear all about this. In addition there was even more reason to be angry. “How would you look it if we dug up your ancestors and burned them for fuel!?”
This human fossil fuel is formed by natural processes, such as anaerobic decomposition of long dead organisms. These contain organic molecules originating in ancient photosynthesis that release energy in combustion. Even today, oil, coal, and gas provide around 80% of humans energy needs. Using fossil fuels for energy has exacted an enormous toll on the natural world, from air & water pollution to global warming. As if using the slur term wasn’t bad enough!
The trilobite anger at humans slur term of fossil fuels has reached new heights. At last they have filed a claim of “Incitement against Species Hatred” and “Species Discrimination”.
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