News from the Natural World: Mother Earth has admitted that creating the human race was an accident.
Mother Earth revealed yesterday that she had accidentally created the human race. She went on to say that not only was it an accident but it was her biggest and most terrifying mistake. She’d entered a universal competition for cosmic entities to create the most dangerous and destructive species of all time. It was all meant as a bit of a joke and each cosmic being was meant to showcase their creation at a conference and then destroy it. But Mother Earth made a grave error.
She spent weeks creating the perfect evil life-form. It would have the capacity for tremendous evil, be fuelled by base sexual desire and have a lust for destruction. On top of that she would add a wanton capacity for greed, brutality and a complete disregard for other lifeforms. She gave the being an incredibly large and powerful brain but a very weak physical frame. No huge teeth, claws or muscles, just a bloody big brain. She knew this would create a dangerous imbalance and lethal amount of insecurity. It would be this insecurity that would make her entry into the cosmic competition the undoubted winner and most destructive life form.
Mother Earth admits huge mistake
She’d heard rumours Nammu had been working hard on a many limbed assassain beast that had no capacity for joy or happiness and survived solely on a diet of creating terror and pain. Marduk the most terrifying of all the cosmic entities had spent months in his attic working on a psychic being which could infiltrate minds and devour your innermost terrifying secrets and pain. Finally, The Uncreated Uncreating was working on a black hole made solely of endless pain and death. It would not only consume all light but all life and feast on the souls of all living beings. But Mother Earth knew none of them were as terrifying as humans.
On the evening of the competition she has so convinced that she would win she decided to have a drink. One led to another and before you knew it she was sloshed. In a haze of drunkenness she accidentally dropped her vial containing the human being. She’d dropped it onto Earth. She watched on in horror as the humans multiplied and decimated the planet.
She invited all the other entities to watch, they all admitted humans were the most destructive and that Mother Earth had won. They sat back as humans destroyed all competition, shagged the Neanderthal into extinction and then caused a 6th extinction of all life on earth. They all thought they’d enjoy the show for a bit, have some drinks and then intervene when it got out of hand in a few hours (1 hour for a cosmic entity is 100,000 years for a human).