News from the Natural World: Where do male chickens go? The Platypus has revealed the Great Chicken Genocide.
Where do male chickens go? It is a question that has long plagued the human race. As age old as ‘Is the earth flat?’ or “What is the meaning of life?” These questions are almost impossible to answer. Humans have been scratching their heads for centuries. But we have finally answered one of them. The Platypus can exclusively reveal where male chickens go.
The Platypus secured an interview with a whistleblower who wished to remain anonymous. For the purpose of this article we shall refer to them as Captain Cluck. Captain Cluck was a male chicken from Paris who had escaped a chicken farm. He had fled in the deep of the night and managed to tunnel under one of the walls with his beak. Also, he destroyed his claws and wings in his mad dash for freedom. He HAD to escape to share his story with the outside world.
Where do male chickens go?
Captain Cluck revealed that he had suffered severe atrocities in a colossal chicken concentration camp. He was chucked into a large pen as soon as he hatched. Then thousands of male chickens were hurled alive into a massive meat grinding machine. Beaks bending, twisting and crushing en masse. Another group was thrown into a giant tank and toxic gasses were pumped in. Their eyes ran red with blood. Finally, the last group was asphyxiated in plastic bags. Captain Cluck made a run for it and somehow managed to escape.
Why would humans do this to male chickens? The Platypus interviewed a number of poultry farmers who said that male chicks are unwanted because they neither provide meat nor eggs. 7 billion male chicks are killed every year. 7 billion. That’s the exact same number of humans on the planet. Captain Cluck was distraught, how could humans be so apathetic.
When we interviewed the human public the answers were shocking. Over 97% of people had never even considered the question. Furthermore, 98% had no idea what happened to male chickens. In fact 99% of people responded with “Well male chicks lay eggs don’t they…. oh wait a minute…”. It turned out humanity as a whole really had never thought about it and a male chicken holocaust was happening every year right under their noses. Only a planet run by humans could fail to notice 7 billion deaths every year.
7 billion killed every year
Captain Cluck vowed to liberate his brothers and launched a campaign to ban the controversial but widespread practice of live-shredding male chickens.
The Platypus has finally answered the question of where all male chickens go.
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