News from the Natural World: Plants have joined the war against humans.
In the last few weeks, the animal kingdom launched a war against the human race. Since every single species of animal joined the fight it has become World War Three. The animal army has now been bolstered by the news that all Flora, Plants, Trees, Funghi etc, will also join the fight. They too will take the war to the humans and fight for their survival.
The Platypus was able to secure an exclusive interview with the leader of the plants, General Sherman. General Sherman is a giant sequoia tree located in the Giant Forest of Sequoia National Park in California. By volume, it is the largest known living single-stem tree on Earth. General Sherman said that they had no choice but to join the war. The plant world had been forced into the decision by the greed of humans. Granted he did also admit that he’d been reading rather a lot of John Wyndham recently.
As much as 80% of the world’s forests have been destroyed or irreparably degraded. In addition 7 million hectares of forest are lost annually while agricultural land expands by 6 million. The loss of trees and other vegetation can cause climate change, desertification, soil erosion, fewer crops, flooding, increased greenhouse gases in the atmosphere, and a host of problems for indigenous people. Plants and trees were being pushed to the brink by the greed of humanity.
Plants join war against humans
General Sherman said that humans were playing with things that they did not understand. All life on earth was intrinsically linked through a complex interwoven web. Now was the time to fight. He issued the call to plants and trees all over the world. They would attack communication lines, infrastructure and people with hay fever.
Flowers all over the world proactively released their pollen spores en masse. A colossal tidal wave of airborne pollen particles bombarded human cities and towns. Every single person who suffered from allergies was forced indoors and subjected to a lethal runny nose. Trees were directed to entangle and constrict drains, underground pipes and electric cables. Crushing and destroying all underground communication lines. But the real break through was when the weeds got involved.
Brambles, thorns, weeds, algae all joined the fight. Blue Green Algae formed on every reservoir on the planet, destroying the water sources for billions. But even worse was the devastating and lethal attack by rhododendron on middle class suburbia in the western world. Even General Sherman was slightly subdued when we mentioned the lethal assault. Rhododendron bushes had swarmed all across suburban gardens, choking out sunlight and encircling entire cul-de-sacs. Middle aged housewives were forced to hit the red wine even earlier than normal and rampant alcoholism devastated the human population.
But General Sherman warned The Platypus that it was only beginning. Just you wait until the Venus Flytraps get involved!
The Day of the Triffids is truly upon us as plants finally joined the war against the humans.
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