News from the Natural World: Aliens have visited earth to talk to animals instead of humans.
The Platypus can exclusively reveal that aliens have been visiting earth for decades. We also discovered that they have been choosing to talk to animals instead of humans. In fact, they have been regularly coming back to the planet for decades, learning the animals ways, culture and history.
They first visited earth in 1947 and sought out intelligent life to converse with. They performed a full scan of all life on earth and decided that they would first speak with the Giant Sea Sponge. Giant Sea Sponges are the longest-existing creatures on the planet. Stretching as far back as 760-million years ago. Given that these organisms had managed to survive unchanged for so long meant the aliens would obviously speak to them first.
Aliens choose to talk to animals
Next they decided to speak with the Bowhead Whales because they are by far the longest living mammals on the planet. The oldest known Bowhead whale was at least 211 years old and some have even been found with the tips of ivory whaling spears from failed hunting attempts 200 years ago. The aliens also sought out the Greenland Shark, the longest living fish. One Greenland Shark was found to have lived for 462 years and they are the longest-living vertebrae on the planet.
In addition they spoke with the Tuatara, the longest living reptile. They also wanted to seek advice from the biggest animal, the Blue Whale. As well as the fastest animal, the Cheetah. Furthermore they sought wisdom from the smallest mammal on the planet, the Etruscan Pygmy Shrew. In fact it seemed like the aliens spoke with almost every single animal EXCEPT humans. They almost went out of their way to avoid them. But why wouldn’t the aliens speak with humans?
The Platypus managed to secure an interview with the aliens. They fromblobbed (alien laughter) when we asked them why they ignored humans. They said that they would have to have been mad to speak with humans. As soon as they discovered earth they knew that any contact could be extremely dangerous. They had learnt from inter-galatic travel that life on other planets could be incredibly destructive and violent. Once they researched earth they quickly found out that humans were the most violent and destructive of all animals and the greatest threat to them.