News from the Natural World: Animals are stealing animal conservation jobs from humans.
All across the world animals have begun stealing animal conservation jobs from humans. The reports have been flooding in from every corner of globe as conservationist after conservationist is losing their job. At first they thought that it was other humans stealing them. But it was in fact other animals who were fed up and wanted the animal conservation jobs for themselves.
All across the south of England every single conservationists who worked in flood management, habitat protection and water level reduction was sacked. They lost their jobs over night. The next morning a horde of beavers had replaced them. They had spread out across the whole of England and were restoring wetland habitats. In addition they were creating pools and beaver dams to stop the flooding. Not only did it work but it created habitat for other animals. Not only were the beavers stealing the animal conservation jobs, they were better at them!
“Bloody Beavers coming over her and stealing our animal conservation jobs”
Report after report was streaming in of humans losing their jobs. Each time the culprit was an animal who had risen up and struck back. Across Scotland rangers who culled deer populations were being fired and replaced with Wolves. Exterminators in New York who dealt with rat infestations were losing out to cats. Dingos were replacing Kangaroo cullers and Pandas were usurping bambo deforesters in China. Left, right and centre animal conservation jobs were rightly going to animals instead of humans.
Recent research has shown that the animals are far superior than the humans at actually doing these jobs. They have anturally evolved over millions of years to play crucial roles within ecosystems. It is simply unneccesary, time consuming and costly to attempt to re-purpose these jobs for humans.
Given the success of the widespread replacement the UN has legislated that from this day forth every single animal conservation job will go to an animal instead of a human.
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