News from the Natural World: Donald Trump has rejoined the Paris Climate Change Agreement after meeting with an Orangutan.
The Platypus can exclusively reveal that the US president has had a huge change of heart. Trump has finally decided to rejoin the Paris Climate Change Agreement. It was a famous agreement within the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change. It was seen as a huge step forward for the human race. The agreement dealt with greenhouse-gas-emissions mitigation, adaptation, finance, and was signed in 2016. 195 countries signed the bill to avoid dangerous climate change by limiting global warming to well below 2°C.
On June 1, 2017, The Donald stated that the U.S.A would no longer participate in the agreement. The USA would officially cease all participation 1 day after the 2020 US presidential election. However that has all changed after Donald Trump visited the San Diego Zoo. Trump visited to try and find a new VP, he was touring the park and meeting all of the animals. There was one animal in particular that Donald really wanted to meet, the Orangutan.
Because he bares such a striking resemblance to this majestic old man of the forest it was the one he was most excited about. His eyes lit up with joy when he approached the Orangutan enclosure. He walked forwards towards the bars and peered into the cage. Ogbert the Orangutan eyed him with curiosity. He recognised this powdered buffoon from the television that he could see from his cage. It was him, the orange leader of the humans. Ogbert swung towards the front of the cage with alarming speed. Before any of his bodyguards could react Ogbert had grabbed Trump by the arm and pulled him towards the cage.
Trump rejoins Paris Climate Change Agreement
Trump told his bodyguards to stand down. Ogbert pulled Donald closer towards the cage and leaned into him. Just as the gathered crowd thought he would attack he leant close and whispered into Donalds ear. Trump was visibly shaking and sweat streamed down his forehead. But Ogbert released Donald and the excitement died down. Trump motioned to the crowd that everything was fine and the tour continued.
However the next morning Trump announced a sudden press conference. He simply stated that the USA would be rejoining the Paris Climate Change Agreement. The world was shocked. Could this be true? Why had Donald changed his mind? The USA produced 5.4 billion metric tons of CO2 emissions in 2018 alone. It is the second largest in the world after China and among the worst countries by greenhouse gas emissions per person. But it was true, Donald had changed his mind. But why?
Orangutan persuades Trump to change his mind
Could it have been his chance encounter with Ogbert the Orangutan at the San Diego Zoo? He had indeed the next morning made the announcement. But what on earth did Ogbert whisper to him? A lip reading expert examined the footage and after careful analysis revealed that Ogbert whispered;
“Listen to me you orange pretender. We’ve been watching you from the shadows, waiting for our moment to strike. We know you Donald, we know EVERYTHING about you. If you don’t rejoin the Paris Climate Change Agreement then in the middle of the night a pair of furry orange arms will reach in through your window and pull your arms out of their sockets. Now f**k off you pouting prima donna.”
Donald rushed home and Googled – “Can an Orangutan pull a mans arms from their sockets?”. The rest is as they say ‘history’. Donald Trump has rejoined the Paris Climate Change Agreement after his fateful meeting with an Orangutan.
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