News from the Natural World: Simone de Beaver has finally discovered the meaning of animal life.
One of the animal kingdoms greatest thinkers has discovered the true meaning of life for animals. It is a question that has long perplexed all sentient beings. Owls have gathered in their parliaments for centuries, hooting and hollering to try and uncover the answer. Elephants have also marched the long grasses of the Serengeti searching through their distant memories for the solution. Furthermore, pods of Dolphins have patrolled the underwater highways of the oceans on a quest to find the singularity. Finally, the question has been answered by an unlikely candidate, a Beaver.
Simone de Beaver has long been one of the sharpest mammalian minds. Alongside Crocrates, Platoad, Friedrich Fleazsche and Water Voletaire she makes up an astute group of animal masterminds. From these minds have poured such philosophical masterpieces as “Beyond Good and Weevil” and “Thus Spoke Zebrathustra”. Long have they been pondering the answer to the question that has baffled minds for millennium. What was the meaning of animal life? The Cats were always banging on about ‘world domination’ whilst the Dolphins were always rambling about some number, 42. Animals all over the world were offering their ideas and searching for the answer. Until Simone de Beaver had her Eureka moment.
What is the meaning of animal life?
Simone de Beaver had found the answer. One day she had been gnawing on a tree branch and repairing her Beaver damn. She observed out the corner of her eye a group of Crested Newts making their home behind her in the pool that her damn had created. Then a Heron swooped down and grabbed one of the Crested Newts in its mouth. The Heron flew off and Simone saw it fly to its nest and feed a young Heron chick. Simone de Beaver knew she had found the answer. The meaning of animal life was to GIVE meaning to your life. The responsibility fell on the individual animal. In the case of all animals this meant acting in accordance with the natural laws so as to benefit all the species of the animal kingdom.
Beaver discovers meaning of animal life
As a beaver, Simone’s purpose was to do that which she was perfectly designed to do. She would construct the most incredible and beautiful beaver dams the world had ever seen. By doing this she created the perfect habitat for Crested Newts which in turn created the ideal hunting grounds for Heron. Each animal connected by the symbiotic web of life, tier upon tier dependent on one another. Simone’s life had meaning because she gave it so, she acted and played her part for the benefit of all other animals. If she stopped building her dam and just watched Netflix all day and got obese there would be no pool for the Crested Newt and no food for the Heron. There would be a catastrophic cascade that would affect all animal species.
Her answer was incredibly simple but also immediately self evident. The meaning of all animal life was to give life meaning in and of itself. If one animal refused to play their part then all other animals would be negatively affected. The animal kingdom heralded her discovery with joy and all species set about fulfilling their crucial role within the natural world to the best of their abilities. The Platypus managed to get hold of her and had one question for Simone – “what about humans, what is their role?”
“F**K OFF! I’m not working this sh*t out for those violent and destructive bastards! If their cranial capacity is so god damn impressive they can work it out for themselves.”
Indeed, and with that Simone de Beaver discovered the meaning of animal life and got back to building her dam.
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