News from the Natural World: Red-Eyed Tree Frog angry at humanities constant use of ‘Frog Marching’ slur.
The Red-Eyed Tree Frog community is absolutely furious at the common usage and bastardisation of the human term ‘Frog Marching”. They have demanded an immediate end to the widespread use of the word as well as its removal from the English Oxford Dictionary. But why are they so enraged by the term?
Fergus the Red-Eyed Tree Frog was just your typical tadpole. He grew up in a shallow pool with all of his siblings, swimming around and searching for food to eat. Fergus lived in the neotropical rainforests of Colombia. Fergus and the other Red-Eyed Tree Frog tadpoles could see their mother outside the surface of the pool. She would leap around with the most majestic bounds. Fergus couldn’t believe how far she could leap. He looked at his own body, no legs, just a tail. How he longed to walk, to march or to leap.
Red-Eyed Tree Frog community furious
One morning during his daily swim he started to notice something different, a small pair of legs had begun to sprout from his body. He was overjoyed, could this be it? Could he be about to crawl out of his pool and march all over the rainforest with his mighty legs!? The next morning Fergus marched out of the pool on his new found fully formed legs. He vowed to march like no other Red-Eyed Tree Frog had marched before. Marching was a crucial part of their mating rituals and one of the most important aspects of their culture.
Every morning he practised his marching technique. All day and night he marched longer, further and harder than all the other frogs combined. He used the sticky pads on the bottom of his toes to cling onto leaves and developed an unorthodox and elaborate marching technique. Fergus called it the “Frog March”. However everything changed when a conservationist dropped their iPhone in the jungle.
Frog March slur highly offensive
Fergus wanted to see whether he was indeed the first person to come up with his technique. He googled ‘Frog March’, he was shocked by what he found. The humans had stolen his term. Apparently a “Frog March” was when a human forced someone to walk forward by holding and pinning their arms from behind. In addition it was used to take the arrested suspect through a public place, creating an opportunity for the media to take photographs and video of the event. Fergus was enraged, how dare they bastardise the great culture of the frogs and steal his elaborate march!
Fergus the Red-Eyed Tree Frog was so angry at humans use of ‘Frog Marching’ slur he has demanded it be stopped. Unfortunately we can reveal he was last seen using his favourite technique to get into the back of a police car.
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