News from the Natural World: A monkey has sued The Pixies after not going to heaven.
A monkey has filed a lawsuit against the popular rock band, The Pixies. Maurice the Marmoset monkey had always been a huge music fan. For his first birthday his parents had bought him a record player, for his sweet sixteenth a walkman and for his 21st an ipod. Maurice was a huge fan of the late 80s early 90s alternative rock boom. He just loved the dynamic “loud-quiet” shifts and song structures. Everything accelerated when he heard the Pixies.
Maurice loved the often surreal lyrics about aliens, religion and loved their jarring alternative rock sound. However Maurice became truly obsessed when he heard their track “This monkey’s gone to heaven”. Finally a song that spoke to him, a song that addressed his worries and fears! Maurice had often pondered what happened to simians when they died. Did they get reincarnated as an Ape? Did they go to monkey heaven? Finally the Pixies had answered his question.
This monkey’s not going to heaven
The song “This monkey’s gone to heaven” famously promised that a monkey had definitely, 100% gone to heaven. In addition it featured the promise that a monkey had gone to heaven over 17 times and the final chorus features the phrase 9 times in a row;
Maurice was jubilated, finally he knew that he would experience everlasting joy. The very next morning Maurice was killed by a Leopard. This must be it he thought as he drew his last breath. But Maurice didn’t go to his eternal life. The fluffy white clouds and endless joy doesn’t exist. His monkey body was but a timeless vessel for atoms passing from one energy to another. There was no heaven and even if there was there were certainly no monkeys.
Maurice has now sued The Pixies after not being allowed to pass on into heaven
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