News from the Natural World: Extinction Woman has arrived and humans have finally got the superhero they deserve.
Over the last 15 years the world has seen a colossal explosion in the popularity of comic books and superheroes. The Marvel and DC movie franchises have taken the cinematic world by storm and brought nerds firmly to the forefront of the pop culture zeitgeist. Ironman, Batman, Superman, Thor, WonderWoman and the like have truly entered the pantheon of the public imagination.
However, rather obviously humans have created heroes who only benefit humans. Even when given unlimited imagination and the empty canvas of a comic book, the creators invented characters who always saved the human race. Super strength, telekinesis, bullet proof skin and even flight. They used these powers to help save the human species over and over, again and again. But what humans had never done was created a superhero who helped other animal species. That is until now.
The Rise of Extinction Woman
Enter Extinction Woman, the newest superhero to enter the comic book world. Stan Flea, the great animal cartoonist, created Extinction Woman after a eureka moment of inspiration. All animals respected him as a truly great storyteller. He set out to create a superhero that would represent and save all animals EXCEPT humans. So finally he created Extinction Woman. Her superpower was the ability to bring back endangered animals to life. At the whisper of a single word she could resurrect a fallen endangered animal. The only condition was that she had to be there at the side of the animal. Luckily Stan Flea gave her super speed, super flight and plugged her consciousness into all animal life on earth. However, even he couldn’t believe what would happen next.
Extinction Woman leapt right out of the pages of the comic book and came to life. Full technicolour real life superhero. Stan Flea couldn’t believe it. Mother Earth appeared before Stan Flea and spoke “I have the power to bring to life the first superhero that someone creates which can benefit the earth. I choose you Stan Flea, Extinction Woman shall rise.” With that Extinction Woman awoke, her eyes blazed and she flew off straight into the sky. Over the next few weeks she worked day and night, every second of every single day. She flew to Rwanda and resurrected a fallen Silverback Gorilla. The next minute she was in the Gulf of Mexico bringing back a Vaquita that had drowned in a net. The next second she was in Siberia reviving an Amur Leopard.
The world needed a new superhero
After a week Extinction Woman was absolutely shattered. She had been working non stop, she thought it would never end. The humans just kept on killing endangered animal after endangered animal. All over the planet in every corner of the globe someone, somewhere was directly or indirectly killing an endangered species. Exhaustion and fatigue began to set in because she was constantly flying all over the place, 24 hours a day. Furthermore she was traumatised because she was witnessing horrific crimes committed against animals. Those humans were bloodthirsty bastards!
But Extinction Woman has vowed to fight on, she will continue bringing endangered animals back to life!
“She is not the hero humans need, she is the hero animals deserve.”
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