“Bonobos are dying of exhaustion in Xbox loverooms”

News from the Natural World: Bonobo Apes are Dying of Exhaustion in Xbox Loverooms.
News from the Natural World: Bonobos are dying in their hundreds from exhaustion in Xbox Loverooms. Bonobos, also known as the pygmy chimp or dwarf chimp, are an endangered great ape that lives in Central Africa. Wild Bonobos can only be found in forests south of the Congo River in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). They are usually smaller, leaner and darker than their chimpanzee cousins but equally as intelligent. In addition they tend to be more peaceful and are led by females. Also, they have been know to live up to 40 years. However there is something that sets Bonobos apart from other apes, something that makes them truly different. They maintain relationships and settle fights through huge sex orgies.
They love a good shag
Bonobos are sex mad to put it bluntly. Genital rubbing, masturbation and touching is extremely common. They have been known to display up to 10 different positions during sex. They are the top shaggers of the animal kingdom. But this rampant sex took a dangerous turn recently when conservationists introduced the Bonobos to human technology. The Bonobos managed to get hold of the rangers Xbox game console and have since gone absolutely ape-bonkers over the machine. They turned into finger bashing raving ape maniacs almost overnight. Access to the Xbox caused them to develop severe addiction to gaming but they were unable to drop their addiction to sex as well.

Bonobos dying of sexual exhaustion

This has resulted in a mind boggling mash up of frenzied Bonobos sex and Xbox gaming. Conservationists are referring to these Bonobos shag fests as Xbox Loverooms. They are truly a site to behold as rampant fornication intermingles with high intensity gaming. The addictive nature of both activities combined is too much for the Bonobos to handle. In fact it is much the same in human adolescents.
Bite it you scum!
However, these exhausting Bonobo Xbox Loverooms are not the only threat to the great apes existence. Current data puts the number of Bonobos left in the wild at between 10,000 to 20,000. Furthermore they face threats including poaching, habitat degradation, civil unrest and a lack of information about the species. Conservation efforts to survey the ape have been hindered. This is because of the extremely remote habitat of the Congo and years of civil war in the DRC. Scientists believe that the new threat of over exhaustion from Bonobo Xbox Loverooms could be the match that lights the tinderbox.

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