News from the Natural World: Swallows in England have been told to ‘F**K OFF back to where they came from!’
Swallows are incredible flyers and perfectly adapted to feeding ‘on the wing’ or aerial feeding. In addition they have a unique fork shaped tail and distinctive appearance. Furthermore they are aggressively territorial and if a human gets too close to their territory they will swoop down and attack. However, Swallows are best known for something else. They are the masters of migration.
Around April every year Swallows arrive back in England, their loud cries echoing across the countryside. These small plucky migrants have traveled a colossal distance, over 5,000 miles from South Africa. In addition to the distance, they face many dangers along the way from thirst, hunger, and hunting. They make this monstrous journey on instinct and memory alone. Humans still don’t fully understand how they manage to complete these trips. Yet every year, around 700,000 Swallows complete the migration, traveling 5,000 miles in just 10 days. But horrific reports of abuse of Swallows have been circulating online.
Swallows told to ‘F**K OFF’
The Platypus saw images and videos of humans shouting at the Swallows. They were rushing out and screaming at them when they heard their cries. The mad eyed humans would scream into the air, abusing the birds and shouting “GO HOME” and “F**K OFF you migrating bastards” When we interviewed a human called Tony, he said “They fly 5,000 miles, eat our insects for a few months, fornicate, then piss off and leave us, the bloody cheek of it, why don’t they just stay were they belong!”
We quizzed the man on where he was from? He said he was born in Leeds, moved to Sheffield as a kid, went to University in Newcastle and had settled in London for work. We asked him why he had migrated so much? Why didn’t he stay in Leeds where he was born? He looked confused, “yeah but it’s all in the same country!”
Unfortunately, we reminded him that borders and countries were artificial constructs of the human race. They were created to control and exploit people. They acted as violent dividers and forced humans into short sighted self serving tribes who failed to comprehend the universality of their species. Migration of life is a vital cornerstone of all life on earth. Swallows were the masters of this art form.
F**K OFF back to where they came from!
With that the animal kingdom has declared that no species should receive abuse for migrating. It is a natural part of life, vital to survival and the continued existence of all species. All life on earth is a migrant of some sort, no life form is truly static and stays in one place for its entire life. The Swallows returned to their migratory route and the ignorant abusive humans skulked off to their lives of misery.
Swallows in England are no longer being told to ‘F**K OFF back to where they came from!’
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