News from the Natural World: Snorting Rhino horn fails to boost sex life of middle class house housewife in England.
The Platypus can exclusively reveal that a middle class housewife in England has failed to boost her sex life by snorting rhino horn. Videos showed humans at a house party snorting a strange grey substance. They crouched around a plate like a frenzied swarm of dandruff badgers. They then take it in turns to snort massive lines as their eyes bulge like snowmen in a blizzard. We managed to secure an interview with leader of the middle class housewife’s, Keratin Kerry.
Keratin Kerry said she was previously a cocaine addict. What had started out as a dinner party hobby had rapidly descended into a hedonistic free fall into the snowy tundra of cocaine induced loneliness. She knew this had to stop and was fed up of exploiting humans in the illegal cocaine trade in Colombia, Peru and the rest of South America. She needed a more ethical alternative and had heard rumours of people taking Ketamine. Not the greatest speller, Kerry turned to Google and searched for Ketamine….
Snorting Rhino horn fails to boost sex life
Kerry accidentally searched for Keratin instead of Ketamine. She saw articles and images of people in Vietnam turning to this new high. Apparently it was even more potent and powerful than cocaine. The images and videos showed them snorting keratin and it had become the party drug of choice among Vietnams’s younger generation. Kerry knew she had to get hold of some of this Keratin and saw that it came from Rhino horns. She easily managed to purchase a rhino horn from a disgruntled antiques trader.
She had read that the Vietnamese believed that snorting rhino horn boosted their sex life. It was also a symbol of power and status. But after Kerry started snorting the rhino horn she felt absolutely no difference. No increased randyness, no unbridled horniness and no boost to her sex life. She was absolutely livid. She was even more livid when we told her that she had meant to buy Ketamine not Keratin. Kerry said she had no intention of hurting Rhinos and just wanted to get ‘absolutely k-holded’. Don’t we all Kerry, don’t we all…
Ketamin not Keratin
Kerry was still confused despite the knowledge of her fateful spelling mistake. Why would the Vietnamese lie and say that snorting Keratin would boost your sex life, why would they hurt the rhino for now reason? The answer was simple. for money. They knew that people were so ignorant they would believe anything they were told. Snorting Rhino horn continued despite the fact that experts, scientists and the rest of the human race pointed out that it was complete and utter bollocks. Rhino horn is made of keratin, the same as fingernails. It has absolutely no medicinal benefits and certainly can’t boost your sex life.
Kerry has turned over a new leaf and is no longer snorting rhino horn.
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