News from the Natural World: Cats are fed up of being put in trees by human firemen wanting to get laid.
The Platypus can exclusively reveal that felines all over the world are utterly fed up of being put in trees. The new craze has been sweeping the human fire services world at an alarming rate. It only came to light recently when some videos went viral. At first, the Cats began to notice that many of them were being kidnapped by firemen and deliberately put at the top of very tall trees. This was confusing because usually, firemen would rescue the cats after they climbed tall trees. The Cats did this to get close to the God of the cats who lives in the sky. Over 60% of them had been kidnapped at some point over the last two weeks by a human fireman. But why would the human firemen do it?
Firemen just looking to get laid
The Cats began to set camera traps up to try and document what the human firemen were doing. None of the other animals would believe them and told them that they must be mistaken. But video after video showed Cats being stolen from their homes by human firemen. They would then run off and carry the Cat to the top of the tallest tree they could find. Finally, they would leave the cat stranded and alone at the top and disappear. After infiltrating the human world The Platypus managed to discover what was going on. The human firemen were doing it so they could get laid!
The human firemen admitted that they were deliberately targeting Cats who had attractive owners. They would then sneak into their house, steal the Cat and hide it at the top of the tallest tree they could find. Then they would scamper off and return to the house where they stole the cat, they’d knock on the door and tell the owner that they had found their cat up a tree. Finally they could then heroically scale the tree and rescue the cat. The owner would be so overjoyed by this act of heroism that they would then immediately take the fireman back to their house and mate.