News from the Natural World: Mountain Gorillas are unable to survive solely on diet of McDonalds.
Mountain Gorillas live in forests high in the mountains of Central Africa. Their average range is between elevations of 8,000 to 13,000 feet. Also, they have incredibly thick fur compared to other great apes. It is this fur that helps them to survive in a habitat where temperatures often drop below freezing. The Mountain Gorillas live in protected areas in the Democratic Republic of Congo, Rwanda and Uganda. They can be found in Uganda’s Bwindi Impenetrable National Park and a network of parks in the Virunga Massif range of mountains which straddle the borders of those countries. The Mountain Gorillas are classified as endangered and face mounting threats from the world of humans. But a terrifying new danger has emerged that could destroy everything.
Human scientists from the USA wanted to see whether the Mountain Gorillas in the Congo could subsist on a diet of McDonalds alone. They concocted the mad idea as an experiment to see whether a new American centric approach to conservation might work to save the species. Could they bring back the Mountain Gorilla numbers by bringing the glory of the Holy American Golden Arch to them. They constructed over 100 outlets of McDonalds all across the Democratic Republic of Congo, Rwanda and Uganda. In addition they erected large signs saying “For Mountain Gorillas Only”. But after almost a month of the experiment the Gorillas had largely ignored the fast food giant. Some had ventured in, but after trying the infamous Big Mac had vomited and fled in terror. The Platypus managed to secure an interview with the leader of the apes, Bernard.
Mountain Gorillas refuse to eat McDonalds
Bernard said they were incredibly confused when the humans showed up and started building odd-looking structures. When they ventured inside they were even more perplexed. The smell of the food was horrifying, but the taste was even worse than Bernard could describe. “How do humans eat that garbage!? Is that really what they eat for food?”. Bernard was lost for words, the mighty and destructive humans ate such rancid food, it didn’t make sense. But Bernard and the Mountain Gorillas had another idea, they managed to work out what the structures REALLY were.
The McDonalds must be the new churches of the human species. The food was so disgusting that they clearly ate it out of greed in some weird display of wealth to show that they were so powerful they could eat garbage. With that Bernard and the Mountain Gorillas turned their backs and wandered back into the forest, their kingdom had been further destroyed by the human’s stupidity and 100’s of gleaming golden arches glared back at the idiocy of the human scientists.
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