News from the Natural World: Humans have vowed to quite literally dig up every last bit of fossil fuel even if it wipes them out.
The human race has declared that it will mine every single piece of fossil fuel left within the earth. They released the statement at the United Nations for Mutually Assured Destruction, also know as UN-MAD. The statement declared that humans would stop at nothing to deliver on the promise. Not a single thing would stand in their way and that they alone would rise to the challenge. For too long had the fossil fuels remained in the ground. Years and years had gone by as they mocked the humans and taunted them. You’ll never get every single piece they said! Oh, how wrong they were…
The humans vowed to launch a new campaign alongside the announcement. The campaign was called “Death to the Fossil Fuels”. It argued for the total annihilation and destruction of all Fossil Fuels. The humans declared they would dig and find every single last one of the Fossil Fuels and burn them. Donald Trump acted as spokesperson for the humans and shouted out his now infamous speech;
“We‘ll go on to the end. We shall dig them up in the Arctic, we shall dig them up on the sea floor and ocean bed, we shall mine with growing confidence and growing strength in the ground, we shall dig up all Fossil Fuels, whatever the cost may be. Lets mine them on the beaches, we shall excavate on the landing grounds, we shall quarry in the fields and in the streets, we shall pump oil in the desert; we shall never surrender to the Fossil Fuels”
Humans vow to keep on digging
The Donald and the rest of the humans vowed to dig it all up even if it killed them. Some human scientists tried to point out the irony in this statement. However, the nuances were lost on most of the humans. They were just so mad with Fossil Fuel lust!
The speech was made yesterday and has already been named Double-F-Day. No, not after the double F within the words Fossil Fuel but rather the fact that it was the day that humanity was well and truly double f**ked!
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