News from the Natural World: Great White Sharks have announced a unanimous decision that humans are officially the worst tasting things in the ocean.
The declaration was made at the popular conference known as the BBS Summit (Bloody Big Shark Summit). This is the leading Great White Shark convention and all sharks from across the globe gather to discuss, deliberate and decide upon important matters affecting the shark world. This years summit was set to be one of the most hotly contended yet. This was because one shark, called Big Blue, had raised a motion to discuss what was officially the worst tasting thing in the ocean.
Great White Sharks absolutely love to discuss food. It is one of the defining elements of their culture and much-debated around shark dinner tables the ocean over. They create cooking channels, hunting movies and spend hours discussing what is the best way to devour a seal, chomp on a tuna or gobble up an octopus. In addition, they proudly celebrated the greatest of their hunters and applauded perfect shark attacks in their annual “Gobble of the Year” competition. Put simply, to eat is to be a Great White Shark.
So this year they sat down to discuss what was the worst tasting thing in the ocean. Some argued that it was the Blobfish, a gelatinous deep sea-dwelling fish that sometimes drifted into the shallow ocean. Apparently it tasted like eating a bag of slugs. Other sharks argued that it was the sea squirt which tasted worse than everything else. One Shark said they’d eaten a sea squirt off the coast of Chile, called the Piure, that was revolting. When bitten into it tasted like an iodine pus bag dipped inside a fish’s ass. Truly revolting. Finally, one shark stated that it was, in fact, surfboards that were the most horrible, those big foamy bastards!
Great White Sharks confirm humans taste rubbish
But it was another creature that won. Big Blue, the leader of the Great White Sharks mentioned food that no other shark could disagree with. Every single shark who had ever bitten one agreed that they just tasted devastatingly foul. They were so disgusting that the sharks would take a bite and then spit them out. In addition, they were bony and the meat was fleshy and stringy. The sharks would only ever eat them as a mistake or when the water visibility was poor. Furthermore, they were mean spirited, aggressive and insecure. The sharks would take one bite, leave them but then the next day there would be thousands of the buggers out on the ocean murdering any shark they could find.
The Great White Shark community was unanimous, this horrific food was truly the worst in the ocean. They all agreed that it was humans that were the worst tasting things in the ocean.
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