News from the Natural World: Trudeau recruits Stormtroopers to clear bears from Canadian pipeline route.
The Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau, has long practised the dark arts of deception and deceit. On one hand, he has cast himself as a champion in the fight against climate change. Whilst on the other hand he has pushed to expand an oil pipeline to help struggling producers, a contradiction that is all too apparent. Reports also concluded that the pipeline would cause severe environmental and ecological damage. In addition he had failed to adequately consult indigenous peoples living along the pipeline’s path. Despite his green image, Trudeau’s Canada is the world’s fourth-biggest producer of crude oil. But then something happened completely out of the blue, the Trans Mountain pipeline was attacked by Grizzly Bears.
Reports started emerging of human workers and builders being attacked by groups of Grizzly Bears. At first the attacks were sporadic but over the weeks they ramped up in intensity. In addition to the all out attacks the bears began to sabotage the pipeline. The bear attacks were costing Trudeau money as well as causing him to lose serious face! But Trudeau had a good plan. He had learned the secrets of the dark arts, deceit, lies and deception from the Sith Lords. He knew exactly who to turn too. Trudeau decided to hire an army of Stormtroopers to get rid of the bears.
Trudeau’s Stormtrooper legion thwarted by bears
Trudeau sent the Stormtrooper legions to clear the pipelines of the Grizzly Bears. His orders were clear and succinct, set blasters to kill! The Stormtrooper legion set off to slaughter the bears and allow work to resume on the Trans Mountain pipeline. But Trudeau had made one fatal mistake, he had forgotten the core weakness of Stormtroopers. Their huge weakness was bears of any form. Bears always reminded Stormtroopers of their humiliating defeat at the hands of the Ewoks on Endor. The Stormtroopers minds were filled with memories of furry hands and fuzzy shapes coming out of the darkness. The Stormtroopers took one look at the Grizzly Bears and turned tail and fled. Trudeau was absolutely furious and whispered something about never trusting a Stormtrooper to do a Sith Lords job.