News from the Natural World: Giant Pandas all across China have launched a claim that they invented Veganism way before humans.
Giant Pandas, also known as the Panda Bear or simply the Panda, are a bear native to south central China. They are characterised by large, black patches around their eyes, over the ears, and across their round bodies. They are one of the human worlds most popular animals. All across the globe they are loved for their comical spectacles and strange diet. In addition, they are infamous for surviving entirely on one foodstuff and are extremely committed to one diet and one lifestyle. Giant Pandas are also the worlds most committed Vegans.
There is no doubt that they are the worlds most committed Vegans. Their diet is comprised of bamboo shoots and leaves which make up more than 99% of everything they eat. Giant pandas in the wild will occasionally eat other grasses, wild tubers, or even shrub leaves but the rest, 99% of it, is bamboo. We managed to secure an interview with Piaoliang the leader of the Pandas. She said “You think we’d just eat this shit for health reasons? No we are committed vegans! We refuse to eat anything other than bamboo, it is the only true food for any committed Vegan!” She continued by saying that it was Giant Pandas who had first invented Veganism and quite simply they were just fed up off humans trying to pretend they came up with it first!
Giant Pandas are the worlds most committed vegans
For Giant Pandas their Vegan diet isn’t just a way of life it is central to their survival. Wild population estimates vary; one estimate shows that there are about 1,590 individuals living in the wild. However a 2006 study estimated that this figure could be as high as 2,000. In addition in 2016, the IUCN reclassified the species from “endangered” to “vulnerable”. This was a huge victory for Pandas all over the world but the sour taste of the human Vegans pretence that they invented a vegan diet still lingers. Piaoliang spoke with anger;
“These humans come along with their diets and think they invented this stuff up! We Giant Pandas have been vegans for thousands and thousands of years. Thee humans might eat not animal products but they still fly, still drive, still by animal products and live in a capitalist world. The damn self righteous hypocrites. I’ve been living in the same valley for 30 years, flying nowhere, buying no products at all and eating only bamboo. And they think they’re vegans…. pfffffff typical humans!”
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