News from the Natural World: A Drunk Hippo has destroyed Central Manchester after refusing to abide by the lockdown curfew.
A drunken Hippo has gone on a destructive rampage all across Central Manchester. The incident took place in the early hours of yesterday morning. The damage has been described as utterly catastrophic. CCTV footage captured the Hippo going absolutely berserk and destroying everything in sight. It crashed into phone boxes, pummelled bollards and even squashed a pigeon. People struggled to get out of the way of the rampaging behemoth. But what the bloody hell was a Hippo doing in Central Manchester? More importantly why was it out after the 10.00 pm Coronavirus curfew?
The Platypus managed to secure an interview with the Hippo. His name was Herbert. Herbert said he couldn’t remember the entire incident in Central Manchester. He was embarrassed when we showed him the videos. Not only could he not remember the destruction in Manchester his memory was hazy as to how he got there. He could vaguely remember getting on a train at London Euston. Other than that it was a blur. In addition, he said he would never break Coronavirus curfew and had done everything he could to abide by the rules. So what had happened, how did Herbert end up in Manchester on his drunken rampage?
Drunk Hippo Destroys Central Manchester
After a big pint of water and a Beroka his memory started to return. He had been minding his own business in London Zoo when some humans snuck into his enclosure. They don’t him to follow them. Which he did, it seemed like an adventure at the time. Next thing he knew he was walking into Westminster, into the Houses of Parliament. He began to recognise the human faces, it was Matt Hancock and Boris Johnson. They bought Herbert the Hippo pint after pint until he could barely stand. When the clock was nearing 10.00pm Herbert said it was near curfew. Matt Hancock burst out laughing “That doesn’t apply to us Herbert, we’re in charge!”
Johnson and Hancock continued to fill the bloated Herbert with pint after pint. Then they decided that the time was ripe for some revenge. They escorted Herbert the Hippo the London Euston station and chucked him on the first train to Manchester. As the train pulled out of the station Boris whispered to Hancock “A drunken rampaging Hippo, that should really piss off Andy Burnham…”
TAKE ACTION – NOW
Read more articles like this – here
Find out who the Platypus is – here