News from the Natural World: Boris Johnson increases grouse shooting limit to 35 after forgetting the average size of Eton Rugby Squad.
Everyones favourite pious and just human, Boris Johnson, has announced that he has made a huge mistake. In a rare show of empathy for the child ignoring egomaniac, he expressed his deepest regrets at the error. His eyes welled up and his palms turned upwards. Boris said that it had been incredibly difficult during the Pandemic, that he personally felt responsible and that sometimes his decisions had been the wrong ones. The human nation reeled in shock, Boris was being genuine, he was showing empathy and he was even being honest. But Boris said there was one mistake that stood out above all the others. It was one mistake that he knew he would regret more than all the others combined. But what was this mistake?
Boris’s eyes welled up and tears began to stream down his cheeks. He pulled out his handkerchief and let out a wail of misery. He turned to the cameras and admitted that his big mistake was setting the limit for humans attending a grouse shoot as 30 people. Finally, Boris had admitted that this was his biggest error. The Platypus let out a huge sigh of relief and humans all over the country were overjoyed. Finally, Boris had admitted that it was insane that you could gather 30 mates together and go and shoot some grouse. But Boris looked furious “No no, you’ve got it all wrong! It’s a ruddy fantastic activity. The problem and the mistake was the cap I set. I set it at 30. But I made a huge mistake, I’d forgotten a really important detail.
Boris Johnson increases Grouse shooting limit
What was the detail? “Well, I forgot that the size of the Eton Rugby squad was 35 not 30. It’s a terrible mistake. That five of the boys should miss out is just a travesty. Their top lads you know. Charles Frinkley-Bottom, Jeffers Chuffers, Percy Chutney-Wobble, Bertie Rudders and even Big Kev. It’s a disaster. But not to worry, I’ve sorted it all out. I’ve simply increased the Grouse shooting limit from 30 to 35. The Eton Rugby squad will go to the ball!”