News from the Natural World: Mother Earth has fallen into more hot water after a celestial traffic warden tried to tow her blue/green planet.
The Big Momma, Gaia, Tellus and one and only creator of our planet has got into a fresh spot of bother with the universes most disliked entity. This being is so despised and hated that many entities from space will stop at nothing to avoid it. They will ride onboard comets to escape and even dive into black holes to dodge its clutches. This mighty celestial being is called Tony, but it is not his name that is so terrifying but rather his job. For you see, Tony is the galaxies most powerful Traffic Warden.
In addition to being the most hated of all who dwell among the stars, Tony the celestial Traffic Warden is one of the most cunning. His job is to ensure that the creators and owners of all the planets look after them properly and don’t allow them to fall into disrepair. However, one morning Tony noticed a blue/green planet that was showing serious signs of neglect. It had a barely repaired hole in its ozone layer and it was significantly overheating. In addition 1 million of it’s 8 million species were facing extinction. Furthermore, one species had invaded almost every single corner of it and was threatening the very fabric of life itself.
Will the owner of a blue/green planet please move it
Tony emitted his warning signal “Will the owner of a blue/green planet please move it – it is overheating”. He repeated this over and over again and sounded his cosmic foghorn. Mother Earth awoke with a flash, what was that racket she could hear. She listened closer, oh bollocks its Tony the Traffic Warden. She was terrified, she rushed out of bed in a panic and tried to flee. But Tony was right there, “What on earth have you done to your blue/green planet!? It’s almost 2 degrees overheated!?”.
Mother Earth was shocked. She knew those humans were a threat but she never thought they’d damage the planet that much. But Mother Earth didn’t panic. She turned to Tony and said “Don’t worry Tony, I’ve built a fail-safe into the planet. If any species rose up and decimated life and the ecosystem to such an extent then the bat population would be loaded with a little gift for that species, it will all work out in the end…”
Whilst Tony was impressed with this failsafe he advised Mother Earth not to take the risk and if possible tow her planet a couple of 100 miles away from the sun.
TAKE ACTION – NOW
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