News from the Natural World: Human scientists discover that Earthworms are smarter than they look.
A group of leading human scientists has made a startling discovery that has sent tremors through the human world. The group of human scientists was working on tracking and monitoring animal intelligence. Humans believed that they were clearly the most intelligent of all the animals. No other species had managed to drop atomic bombs and melt the ice caps. Clearly, humans were the most intelligent, it was obvious! But the humans wanted to see how intelligent animals really were, so they started their experiments on the lowly Earthworm. The human scientists discovered that the Earthworms were much smarter than they looked.
Humans have long debated animal intelligence. René Descartes, in his Traité du monde et de la lumière (c.1629-33), argued that, since animals could not speak, there was no proof they could think independently of external stimuli. But Darwin later disputed this and used Earthworms as his example. He said that despite their size, worms could reshape the landscape as dramatically as the wind or the tides. However, these debates all hinged on the definition of intelligence. The human definition of intelligence is the ability to control and destroy. The animal definition is to live in equilibrium and balance. But who was right, were humans really more intelligent?
Human scientists not as smart as Earthworm
We set off to ask the one side of the debate whose opinion was never asked, the animals. We interviewed countless species and they all felt they were far more intelligent than humans. The Dogs said the humans couldn’t even see in the 5th dimension, the Smell Dimension. The Whales said they were hopeless at navigating, they had to rely on machines to get across the oceans. In addition, the Turtles said they were crap at finding beaches. Furthermore, the Arctic animals said they were rubbish in the cold. Also, the birds said they couldn’t even access airspace, they were useless at counteracting gravity. Finally we decided to ask the Earthworms who’d been experiemented on by the human scientists. They said these scientists were idiots, they couldn’t survive in the soil if they had a 100m head start! On top of all these obvious gaps in intelligence, the animals all agreed there was one thing that really set humans apart.
Are animals smarter than humans?
Whilst the humans debated whether Earthworms could think or whether the Great Apes really spoke to each other. They had missed the most important aspect of intelligence. The ability to live in harmony without destroying your environment beyond repair. The great animal philosopher, Albert EinSchwein said: “If you judge a human by its ability to not destroy the environment, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” So the animals were forced to concede that maybe there was something they had missed, maybe the humans were smarter than they looked. The Earthworms had the final word, they said that the animals would just have to wait and see. Maybe humans would become more intelligent and destroy less if they studied animals more closely.
So the Earthworms decided to take one for the team and set off back to the lap to allow the human scientists to do more tests. Hopefully, it would help the humans become more intelligent.
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