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65 Million Years From Now Humans Become Fossil Fuels for New Species of Great Ape

News from the Natural World: 65 Million years from now humans become fossil fuels for new species of Great Ape.

News from the Natural World: 65 Million years from now humans will become fossil fuels for a new species of Great Ape.

The editorial team here at The Platypus were granted an unprecedented glimpse into the future of life on earth. We managed to persuade the greatest seers of the animal kingdom to show us what lay ahead. The reason we wanted to look into the future was because of the destruction of the natural world and loss of biodiversity. We have become increasingly scared for all animal life and started a petition that would allow us to see what fate awaited the animals further down the line. The petition reached millions of signatures within minutes. But it wasn’t until the petition reached the insect world that things really took off. A few billion insect signatures later and we’d reached the threshold. We had enough signatures to force the animal seers to show us the future. But just who were these animal seers?

65 Million years ahead the Naked Mole Rats peer

You would expect that to be able to see into the future you’d need good eyesight. Alas, Mother Earth was never one to make things easy and loved a good joke. Here’s looking at you square pooping Wombats. Anyway, Mother Earth had instead granted the gift of seeing into the future to an unlikely animal. One of the animals with the worst eyesight out there. The Naked Mole Rat.

65 Million years in the future humans become fossil fuels

The Naked Mole Rat had been given the ability to peer into the future. In addition, they could see insanely far ahead, even millions of years. So we asked the Naked Mole Rats to peer millions of years into the future to see what fate awaited humanity and the animal kingdom. The Naked Mole Rats gathered together and peered into their crystal ball. They shrieked with cries of surprise and delight. But what had they uncovered? They discovered that a species of Great Ape had risen up and overtaken the humans. This Great Ape was called GigantoPenisecus. In addition to overtaking the humans, this benevolent Great Ape had restored harmony to the natural world, reversed the effects of climate change and halted biodiversity loss. But what had become of the humans?

The Naked Mole Rat couldn’t believe what they were seeing. Not only had the humans been overtaken they had actually merged into the fossil record to create a fossil fuel that Gigantopenisecus could use to fuel their lifestyles. There was one secret bonus as well, burning ancient humans remains as fossil fuels didn’t release harmful gases but instead released happiness pheromones that all living creatures could feel. The more human fossil fuels the GigantoPenisecus burnt the happier all life on earth was.

So the animal kingdom sat back safe in the knowledge that millions of years from now humans would become fossil fuels for a new species of Great Ape.

TAKE ACTION – NOW

65 Million years
65 Million years from now the Great Apes rise

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