News from the Natural World: Spider Crabs launch the ‘Crabloids’ to expose the celebrity animal world.
Spider Crabs are the bottom feeders of the ocean world. They also have the largest leg span of any arthropod. These giants go through three main larval stages along with a prezoeal stage in order to grow to their great size. Once they have reached such a colossal size they spend the rest of their lives wandering the ocean floor and feeding on the detritus from the world above. It is this behaviour that has led to the Spider Crabs learning the ways of the underworld, the gutter and the deep dark depths of the ocean. All that time in the shadows has equipped them with the perfect skills to become journalists. But not just any old journalist, the Spider Crabs life as bottom feeders has set them up to be true tabloid journalists.
Spider Crabs Launch the ‘Crabloids’
So it came as no surprise that the Spider Crabs announced that they would be launching their very own brand new online newspaper. They named it “The Crabloids”. In it, they will uncover the dark heart of the celebrity animal kingdom. They will scour the recesses of the famous and narcissistic to bring mild entertainment and empty satisfaction to millions of animals around the world. Highlights for the first edition include an expose on Justin Beaver and his religious conversion. In addition to a shocking revelation about Kerry Cat-ona and her abuse of catnip. Furthermore, there will be semi-naked photos of celebrities of all kinds as they stumble hungover out of their burrows, sleeping in the bushes and also kopping off with other species.
Finally, the Spider Crabs are confident that there will be an appetite for this level of crass trashy nonsense. They’ve seen how successful it was in the human world and knew they needed to get in on the act.
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