News from the Natural World: Harrogate Royale – Foxes Launch TV Gameshow with Posh Humans Fighting to the Death.
Battle Royale was a famous Japanese action-thriller film directed by Kinji Fukasaku based on the 1999 novel by Koushun Takami. In the film, 42 9th graders are sent to a deserted island. They are given a map, food, and various weapons. An explosive collar is fitted around their neck. If they break a rule, the collar explodes. Their mission: kill each other and be the last one standing. The last survivor is allowed to leave the island. If there is more than one survivor, the collars explode and kill them all. The celebrated cult classic has provided unlikely inspiration for a group of foxes from Harrogate, England.
Harrogate is famous for being the only place in the North of England with a Waitrose. The North of England is a desolate wasteland where impoverished children eat gravel for breakfast and wear mud for clothes. Sunderland, Stockport, Middlesborough, Barnsley and Preston. The very names of its bleak and decrepit cities conjure up images of diabolical wastelands and dystopian nightmares where human school children fight to the death over scraps of leftover coal. But Harrogate is a beacon of poshness in amongst the grimdark reality of life above Wolverhampton. But it isn’t just the humans who are posh, the resident Foxes of Harrogate are amongst the poshest animals on the planet.
Harrogate Royale – Foxes Launch TV Gameshow
These Foxes are so posh that they are amongst the most elite and richest of all the animals. They are so rich that they have invented their own TV Gameshow. This TV Gameshow is based on the Battle Royale film. The concept is incredibly simple. The Foxes are to gather 42 human teenagers and send them to a deserted farm surrounded by electric fences. They are given absolutely nothing and then released into this wilderness. Next, they make the humans fight each other a bit and that’s when the real fun starts. The Foxes then dress up in really fancy red clothes, black hats and ride Giant Weasels. They wield huge clubs and whips and chase after the humans. Once they have caught the humans they let the ferocious Giant Weasels eat them alive and pick out their innards as they breathe their last breaths.
We managed to speak to one of the Foxes who organised the blood bath gameshow. Toff FoxMuffin-BlinkleyBottom the Third said that “It’s just ruddy good fun you know. We get all dressed up, there is a real sense of community and tradition. The bloody Squirrels are always moaning that it’s a bloodsport but its really just a bit of a laugh. Humans are a real nuisance, rather annoying and this is one way to get rid of a few of the buggers. Also, what would we do with the ruddy Giant Weasels if they banned Human Hunting?”
Well, there you have it, Harrogate Royale. The worlds poshest Foxes launch their new TV gameshow with posh humans fighting to the death and being hunted.
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