News from the Natural World: Robin Red Breasts have issued a collective statement demanding that their ridiculous association with the human festival of Christmas be dropped.
News from the Natural World: Robin Red Breasts have issued a collective statement demanding that their ridiculous association with the human festival of Christmas be dropped. Robin spokesbird Robin was clearly angry before first attempting to make her announcement. She became positively enraged when she overheard the assembled journalists referring to the first part of her speech as being delivered in the form of a charming and enthralling tune. “First up, most of our singing is about territorial disputes. So that everyone knows which is my patch. Cos I’ve got a sweet thing going on with some good hedgerows and an old couple who chuck out mealworms come rain or shine, and they don’t like cats. Now, as I was singing: “We robins resent the human practice of associating us with Christmas. We’re busy surviving the winter at that time of year. All your stories about robins with Jesus and associations with postmen’s outfits mean nothing to us. Let’s be honest, you’ve stuck pictures of us on those cards you send because you like a flash of red amongst the white snow. You think it looks colourful and charming in the ‘gloom of winter’. Well, stop; staring at someone’s breast is creepy, and you’ve got lights and televisions to cheer yourselves up with now. Also, you’re not the only ones who’ve noticed how visible we are. Every time it snows the sparrowhawks come straight for us cos we’re lit up like the proverbial. Don’t you dare say it!”