Politics

ManaTee-Shirts the Next Logical Step for Trump after a Successful Branding Campaign

News from the Natural World: ManaT-Shirts are the next logical step for Trump after a successful branding campaign.
News from the Natural World: ManaTee-Shirts are the next logical step for Trump after a successful branding campaign. Earlier this week Trump supporters took their campaign of peace and love to new heights. A Trump supporter managed to capture and carve the words ‘Trump’ into the back of an innocent Manatee. Investigations into the incident are being led by the US Fish and Wildlife Service (USFWS). In addition, The Centre for Biological Diversity, a conservation charity, is also offering a $5,000 for information leading to the conviction of those responsible. Local humans were shocked and appalled. “It’s heartbreaking that this manatee was subjected to this vile, criminal act,” said Jaclyn Lopez. “It’s clear that whoever harmed this defenceless, gentle giant is capable of doing grave violence and needs to be apprehended immediately,” she added.
ManaTee-Shirts
ManaTee-Shirts next product after branding a Manatee
But what is a Manatee and why did someone carve the words, Trump, into its back? The manatee is a large, slow-moving mammal which has become an unofficial mascot for Florida. There are around 6,300 currently in the state, according to the USFWS. They typically gather in warmer waters around the state during the wintertime as temperatures drop. However, their numbers have fallen in recent years due to habitat loss, algae blooms and strikes by fast-moving boats. They are also vulnerable to attacks by humans while they congregate in the shallow water of local rivers and canals. According to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, 637 manatees died in 2020, 90 of which were victims of boat collisions. Another 15 were killed by other interactions with humans. It seems that the carving if just another crime on a long list of abuses towards the Manatee. But what did Trump have to say?

ManaTee-Shirts the Next Logical Step for Trump

Donald Trump said “Absolutely brilliant stuff. Top stuff. The greatest advertising campaign of all time. My name on a Manatee. Genius. What even is a Manatee? Is it something you use to tee off on a golf course? It’s an animal? Oh perfect, my favourite animal. I think all Manatees should have my name carved in them. Maybe we could launch Manatee-shirts? Make their skin into T-Shirts, that would work well. I love them. I am a genius.” However, we confronted Donald Trump and told him this was a horrific crime against wildlife. Trump shouted back “You’re telling me that the US public was totally fine with me when I grabbed women by the pussy. But when someone scrawls my name on a Manatee that’s crossing the line? I pulled out of the Paris Climate Change agreement on Day 1. Also, I abandoned the Endangered Species Act. Furthermore, I frequently abuse humans, why would I behave any differently towards animals” So it seems their was no remorse from the Trump camp and he has pressed forward with his plans to start releasing Manatee-Shirts made from the skins of flayed Manatees. We tried to find the Manatee who had the words ‘Trump’ carved into his hide but he was unavailable for comment. Rumours abound that he was too embarrased to be seen in public and is waiting for the wounds to heal and cover over with Algae. Once that’s happened he’ll return to the waters to either be hit by a boat propeller, harassed by over zealous tourists or gradually die from habitat degradation and destruction.

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