News from the Natural World: Alien running Earth 2020 simulation admits falling asleep on the controls.
Egbert the Alien has had a tough run of things lately. He’d been having the celestial Millenium from hell. He’d finished in the last place in the UniverseVision Radiowave Contest. In addition, he’d received the Razzie award at the Cosmic Oscars for his terrible performance in “Planet of the Humans”. Furthermore, he was humiliated in the intergalactic contest to create a livable planet when his admission accidentally turned into a noxious gas ball that consumed its test subjects in a lethal self enveloping gas cloud. But that wasn’t even the low point of Egberts year.
Egbert the Alien belonged to an extremely powerful race of Aliens. They were vast in knowledge, power and time. Because of this Egbert had been put in charge of one planet with life on. It was the duty of his race that they watch over life in the universe. Once he had graduated from Universe-ity he had been cast to the outer rim to look after one of the least promising planets. This was the way with all graduates. You couldn’t simply give them a really promising planet with highly intelligent lifeforms. That would be reckless. So the younger Aliens were given practice planets with the lifeforms which the Aliens viewed with derision. Egbert was bottom of his class and as such had been given the worst planet of all. Egbert had been put in charge of Earth.
Alien Running Earth 2020 Simulation Admits Falling Asleep on the Controls
At first, Egbert took to his new caretaker role with aplomb and gusto. He monitored and tracked the progress of humans to make sure everything was in balance. But one afternoon his friend Ogbert turned up and said that he and a few of the other aliens were going on a Black Hole Crawl. Egbert loved Black Hole Crawls, they were an absolute blast. One cosmic timewarp after another until you staggered out of the 10th one, ordered a Kebab and took a meteorite home whilst trying not to vomit. But Egbert wasn’t sure, what if something went wrong on earth. Ogbert told Egbert he needn’t worry on all the other planets you could leave them alone for a bit and they’d manage themselves. So Egbert went with Ogbert on the Black Hole Crawl.