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Parents Will Have To Sacrifice One of Their Children If They Want a Second Dog

News from the Natural World: Parents will have to sacrifice one of their children if they want a second dog.

News from the Natural World: Parents will have to sacrifice one of their children if they want a second dog.

Yesterday the UK Government made a controversial announcement. They passed a new piece of legislation that could change the very fabric of human and pet society. For thousands of years, humans have kept pets. In fact, domestic relationships among humans and wild animals extend back to the last Ice Age with the wolf and wildcat. These were among the earliest animals domesticated by humans—becoming the cuddly companions we see today. Our relationship with dogs and cats has permeated human culture for thousands of years, with current estimates suggesting that the dog was domesticated over 15,000 years ago and the cat 9,500 years ago. But that relationship has spiralled out of control and has dire consequences for the environment.

Parents Will Have To
Parents Will Have To Sacrifice a Child If They Want Another One of These

Today pets can be found in almost every human society around the globe with an estimated 500–987 million dogs and up to 752 million cats. In the UK those figures are on the rise. According to a 2019/2020 survey, dogs are the most commonly owned pet in UK households. The share of households reporting dog ownership stands at 23%. You don’t need a licence for most common domestic pets. You must make sure your dog is microchipped. But the problem with all those dogs is that they have a huge negative effect on the environment.

Parents Will Have To Sacrifice One of Their Children

Dogs’ eating habits are responsible for dumping as many as 64 million tons of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere every year. Roughly the equivalent of driving over 13 million cars. That’s due to all the meat our furry friends gobble down. Our pets leave a pretty stark carbon footprint on our environment. American Dogs are responsible for producing about 64 million tons of methane and nitrous oxide, two powerful greenhouse gases that contribute to climate change. So the UK Government has been forced into action, but what did they do?

The UK government introduced a new law called “Article 364 – Swapsies for Woofsies”. The new law states that if any human wishes to own more than one Dog then they have to sacrifice one of their children instead. They are allowed to choose which child to sacrifice and the method of killing is up to them. Although the UK government did recommend death by archery range or death by rapid Turkeys. If the humans do not have children of their own then they must sacrifice someone else’s child. Boris Johnson had this to say;

No Second Dog Without Sacrifice

“Look I know it all sounds a bit extreme but we have to act now. We need sensible solutions to these big problems and if a few children have to snuff it so that Chairman Miao can have a furry companion then I don’t see what all the fuss is about. I’ve heard this ‘ennn-virrr-onnn-ment’ thingy as you call it needs a bit of help. I really don’t get why people are so angry, one child for another dog is a fair swap. I’ve got loads of children that I could sacrifice, too many in fact!”

With that Boris left the interview with a hunting rifle and a map entitled “Operation Chairman Miao and The Great Leap Forward” marked with the possible locations of some of his bastard love children. Happy hunting dog owners!

TAKE ACTION – NOW

Parents Will Have To
Parents Will Have To Sacrifice a Child – UK Government Recommends They Make the Donation Out To Moloch the Ancient God of Ritual Sacrifice

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