Red Squirrels Massively in Favour of Reintroducing Predators to England

News from the Natural World: Red squirrels massively in favour of reintroducing predators to England.

News from the Natural World: Red squirrels massively in favour of reintroducing predators to England.

Plucky, nimble, adorable Red Squirrels have voiced their support for the reintroduction of more predators to England’s northern landscapes.

“Do it! Do it now!” enthused Kielder based squirrel Bobby. “Get ‘em back in ‘ere. It’d be great. We’ll have a right old time. Pine martens, eagles, lynx, the works. Come on!” Bobby was twitching his tail throughout his appearance on the branch of a fir. He insisted that the movement was an indication of excitement and not anxiety.

Red Squirrels
Red Squirrels want to bring back these big guys

“Look at Scandinavia, look at continental Europe, they’ve still got the whole team and its great! More progress please, less of your London bureaucracy.” In less skittish moments Bobby elucidated on the fact that he, and most other red squirrels, were genuinely in favour of the presence of more creatures that might prey on them.

Red Squirrels Massively in Favour of Reintroducing Predators

“Have you seen us move, man? We’re fast, we’re agile, we’re absolute dancers, we can dodge about and look out for ourselves where predators are concerned. But we can’t outrun the pox, or do much about starvation. I’ll take talons and teeth any day of the week against a slow death. But there’s precious few goshawks about nowadays, buzzards are perfectly happy to scavenge and owls don’t do very well if you’re tucked up well in a nice drey for the night.

Stoats are a bit more of a menace but that’s about it for genuine excitement. Get the pine martens in, that’s a proper challenge, and it’ll make the greys think twice about trying to push in up here. We need this to happen now mind you, none of this ‘wait-and-see’ letting the martens work their own way in from Scotland and Wales. Get some captured or bred sharpish, and drop ‘em off by the reservoir! I’d rather have a couple of good chases a day against a marten than have to pop back up a tree every single time some prat with a dog walks by. Take your pooch to a park and let ‘em bother the greys.”

Save Red Squirrels Bring Back the Lynx

On being told that the new lynx plans are only seeking a licence for three cats on a trial basis Bobby was less than impressed. After being told that sheep farmers were concerned any lynx would prey on their livestock and might also eat red squirrels and bird eggs Bobby asked if the farmers in question actually knew anything about lynx.

“Of course they might eat some of us squirrels, and everyone eats bird eggs, I’ve even been known to sneak a few myself. Yeah, if times get really shit and there’s a sheep just standing under a tree I suppose they’ll probably have a go, but seriously? You’re talking about an animal so solitary it barely tolerates its own kind long enough to mate, never mind humans and their omnipresent bloody dogs, that loves being in trees, and specialises in hunting smaller deer. In a massive forest full of deer. And you think it’s gonna waste time chasing a little snack like me, or going near sheep that are always round people? Its at least worth giving the trial a go isn’t it? And the lynx lot will probably pay more compensation than you’re gonna get from either the wool trade or lamb these days. Get ‘em in!


Red Squirrels
Red Squirrels in favour of predator reintroduction

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