News from the Natural World: Aliens admit that they don’t believe in humans – nothing could possibly be that stupid.
The animal kingdom recently established a connection with Alien life. For years animals have long sought to seek to contact Aliens to save them from certain destruction under the humans. They had been facing a mass extinction under the human’s rule and species were going extinct at an incredibly alarming rate. Also, they knew that eventually, the humans might do the right thing but they didn’t have the luxury of time waiting for them to change. They were losing species after species with each passing year. So the great animal cosmonauts set out to contact intergalactic life. They constructed colossal radio towers and one day eventually heard a signal.
The animals had done it, the signal being beamed back to them was indeed an alien spaceship. As they made contact the aliens introduced themselves as Zarg and Blarg from Sector 7G. They were from an outer rim planet and weren’t at all surprised to discover the animals. Zarg and Blarg told them that on their cosmic journeys they had encountered countless life forms on thousands of planets. The animals were impressed by these intergalactic wanderers and could sense a seed of hope germinating. Surely these aliens could help them in their quest for survival against the evil humans?
Aliens Admit That They Don’t Believe in Humans
The animals told the Aliens exactly what had been happening on earth. They told them about the melting of the icecaps, the loss of biodiversity, the 6th extinction, climate change and even the fate of the Dodo. In addition, they told them about nuclear bombs, world wars and petty tribalism. The Aliens listened and listened but when the animals got to the part where humans started putting bananas in plastic packaging the Aliens stopped them. Zarg said “Who would be so evil and stupid? It’s like someone constantly crapping in their own bed and then being surprised that they wake up in the morning covered in shit. There’s absolutely no way any lifeform would be so stupid. We’ve been to every corner of the universe and spoken with countless species. Not a single one was anywhere near as evil or stupid as these supposed humans. You’re clearly having us on!”