*Note from the editor – If I’m being completely honest we very nearly didn’t write an article about this. It is almost beyond satire. A genuine ‘Polar Bear Hotel’. Not even on our best day, our finest satirical hour, could we have come up with something that so perfectly encaptures humanities sheer ignorance of the natural world. But alas it is real. There is a genuine Polar Bear Hotel. Oh well, here we go…
News from the Natural World: Polar Bear Hotel in China gets 2-star from Guest Expecting More Action.
China has opened the worlds first and worst ever animal exhibit. The attraction, part of the Harbin Polarland theme park in the Chinese province of Heilongjiang, offers a 24/7 view of the polar bears and has 21 guest rooms that look out over the bears’ indoor enclosure. The hotel opened on March 12 and was reportedly fully booked through its trial period. Photos and videos shared on Twitter by Chinese state media show the polar bears in the indoor enclosures, which feature artificial ice and small water pools. However, the first few guests were not very pleased and one disgruntled viewer left a less than favourable review on Trip Advisor.
Harbin Polarland Hits the Headlines
2-Star Trip Advisor Review
“Don’t get me wrong, it was a bloody big bear and it ticked all the boxes but it would have been nice to see some more natural behaviour. Maybe some hunting, a bit of fighting or mating perhaps. Did no one think of chucking in a seal to liven things up a bit? That would have made it much more interesting. I mean the kids watched it for a few minutes but they lost interest. Come on, you’re trying to compete with an i-Pad. A lazy Polar Bear that just sleeps all day isn’t going to cut the mustard. It didn’t even wave or anything. I expected much more from the Polar Bear. It just looked miserable, it had no work ethic and really didn’t do much to entertain guests. We really tried though, the harder we banged on the glass the more it just looked miserable. Rubbish, not worth your money at all.”
Polar Bear Hotel Disappoints First Guests
This wasn’t the only 2-star review and it prompted a wave of criticism. Other humans felt that “The Polar Bear didn’t even bother to wave back” whilst another mentioned, “That it looked a bit arsey when they’d used their flash 211 times to take selfies.” Overall the humans were very disappointed with the Polar Bears lack of work ethic and poor attitude to customer service. The Harbin Polarland has insisted that the Polar Bear will be getting additional on-demand training to upskill it. They have also disciplined it and recommended a training course for it to take on customer-centric service.
Yang Liu, a spokeswoman for Harbin Polarland, said “We have taken the criticism on board and know that many guests were disappointed that the Bear wasn’t entertaining them enough. We have implemented a strict new torture regime to ensure it lives up to the expectations of our guests. We also have plans to install a motorbike track and jump and have offered refunds to all human guests.”
Could Have at Least Chucked a Seal in
We managed to secure an interview with the Polar Bear who went by the name of Sisyphus “You’ve got to be f*cking kidding right? A hotel exhibit for moronic Chinese tourists to gawp at and take photos. I’m a Bear, I’m from the Arctic, I roam over hundreds and hundreds of kilometres on the pack ice. This place is a dump, my mental health is eroding and it’s all just too much. You’re telling me that all the entertainment at the fingers of humanity and you still need to lock animals in tiny cages to get a laugh?? How f*cking miserable are your sad excuses of life that torturing animals is something to take the kids to at the weekend? You lot talk about evolution and intelligence but you haven’t changed one bit. You’re getting worse. 1.3 Billion Chinese people are about to want exactly the same things that you Westerners wanted. Torturing and abusing animals for fun is just part of who you are.”
So there you have it, Sisyphus not as happy as you’d imagine and what does fate hold in store for the Polar Bear Hotel in China after the 2-star review?
TAKE ACTION – NOW
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Find out who the Platypus is – here