News from the Natural World: Crony Covid contract has been awarded to the Johnson family pet Mole.
More than £1.9bn in government contracts has been directly awarded to companies that have links to the human Conservative Party. The NAO in November found companies recommended by MPs, peers and advisers were given priority to win contracts. This was because ministers scrambled to respond to the coronavirus outbreak. In one case a multi-million-pound contract for COVID testing kits was handed to a company that employs Tory MP Owen Paterson as a consultant for almost £100,000 per year. Why were so many crony contracts being awarded and what effect was this chummism (excessive public schoolboy chumminess) having?
It is clear that the effect of this chummism is huge. The UK needs to crack down on this cronyism and instead invest in its vital public services. Is anyone able to think of a large scale vital public service that has saved millions… 3 letter acronym anyone?? In fact, we calculated the total cost of contracts that have gone to companies with Tory links that could have provided free school meals for more than three years to every one of the 1.4 million pupils who are eligible. In addition, the UK’s vaccine rollout had been a “huge success” because it had been overseen by the NHS. Unlike how the disastrous NHS Test and Trace system involved the use of private providers such as Serco. So what does Boris Johnson plan to do about these Crony Covid Contracts?
Crony Covid Contract Awarded to Pet Mole
Boris Johnson announced that he would be awarding the latest PPE contract to none other than the Johnson families pet Mole. Mildred the Mole was flabbergasted when we managed to track her down for an interview. She answered in shock “PPE? Really? Does Boris want to award me the contract? Well, I don’t know about that. Maybe if it was digging and burrowing. Or even if it was a contract for who can eat the most worms or annoy the most golfers then yes yes I’d be in for that. But PPE I’m not so sure about.”
Boris was shocked when we questioned whether Mildred the Mole was right for the job. “It’s not important whether Mildred can fulfil the PPE contract nor is it important whether she has the correct skills, qualifications or ethics. What is important is that she’s part of the family, she’s one of our chums. You should know by now that the English publics apathetic approach towards hope and improvement combined with a strange love of subjugation to autocrats and German opportunists (we’re looking at you Queenie) has meant that we can do what we want and award contracts to whoever we like. Old Hancock just awarded a contract to his Auntie’s Owl, Priti awarded one to her nephews Gerbil and Jacob Rees-Mogg awarded two contracts to their family Weasel.”
So there you have it another crony Covid contract has been awarded to the Johnson family pet Mole.
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