News from the Natural World: A member of the Green Party has complained after a BP employee repeatedly tried to give them a wash.
Skye Earth-Hummus was a dedicated member of the Green Party. She lives in Bristol, England. The Green Party of England and Wales is a green, left-wing political party in England and Wales. Headquartered in London, its co-leaders have been Siân Berry and Jonathan Bartley since September 2018. The Green Party currently has one representative in the House of Commons and two in the House of Lords. For as long as she could remember Skye Earth-Hummus had followed the Green Party. She was a dedicated and passionate conservationist who knew that humanity had to change something. Whilst she knew the Green Party didn’t have all the answers she knew that raising the volume of noise in favour of the natural world was a worthy cause. But one morning something incredibly strange happened to young Skye.
She was out for her morning forage when all of a sudden she noticed behind her a man. The man appeared out of nowhere and ominously started following her every footstep. She could hear a slooshing and sloshing as his pace quickened. Again, she risked another glance, christ he’s wearing a suit, I hope he’s not a Tory. But then she noticed something strange, he was carrying a soapy bucket of water and a scrubbing brush. Then out of nowhere, he lunged at her, covering her from head to toe in the bucket of warm soapy water. She staggered backwards as he rushed at her again. This time he frantically started scrubbing her from head to toe. Just as she was about to scream at him she saw his name badge pinned to his suit jacket. It read “Darren – Work Experience – British Petroleum”.
Member of the Green Party Complains
Skye decided to soften her tone. “What are you doing Darren!?” Darren looked shocked for a moment “Well I’m washing you, isn’t that clear enough!?”. Skye was taken aback, I guess it was pretty obvious to all involved what he was doing. But the question remained “But why are you washing me, Darren?”. Darren paused and launched forth “Well I’ve just joined BP on work experience and it’s all they ever talk about. You see they have this strategy called “Operation Trolling Thunder”. It’s brilliant. So despite destroying the natural world for profit for decades and halting the advance to renewable energies they’ve devised a way to make it look like they’re actually part of the solution. All you have to do is go and wash absolutely anything that’s green. It’s simple”
Darren was really hitting his stride now. “BP has been at it for years. The cuts to its oil and gas extraction exclude anything produced from our stake in Russian oil and gas company Rosneft, which equates to about 30% of our current emissions. The oil industry has over the past century helped shape the world around it into the kind of place that suits our business model, not least by influencing lawmakers and even other industries.”
BP even still contributes to industry groups that routinely oppose policies to cut emissions. “Honestly, it’s genius, BP can just rape nature for profit whilst pretending to care and help the environment. It’s a bit like your torturer using a feather duster once a month. I heard someone on the internet call it greenwashing and it stuck. My job was to help with this Green Washing campaign so if you don’t mind I’d like to get back to scrubbing you.”
So Darren continued to scrub and Skye, like many other humans, was so used to getting abused by Oil and Gas companies that she just closed her eyes and let it happen.
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