Can I Still Have a Car & Central Heating? Public Questions Climate Scientist

News from the Natural World: Can I still have a car and central heating? Member of public questions climate scientist.

News from the Natural World: Can I still have a car and central heating? Member of public questions climate scientist.

Keith Keithson is your typical average human. He’s not particularly good nor particularly bad. He’s not on the extreme right-wing nor on the extreme left-wing. Born and raised in Manchester in the UK, he has spent his existence straddling the middle ground of life. In the last UK parliamentary election, he didn’t really know who to vote for. Boris and the Nazgul Back Benchers of the Tory party were far too right-wing for him. But on the other hand, Corbyn and the hummus eaters of the Labour party were far too left-wing for him. Keith Keithson was really rather centrist. He didn’t feel his views, or the views of millions of others were accurately represented. Either side just called the other side stupid or idiots. Keith hadn’t seen such immaturity since primary school debate club.

Can I Still Have a Car & Central Heating?

He understood the modern tribal delineation of warring political groups offered humanity no meaningful way of reconciling the myriad of opinions and challenges facing huge groups of humans. He knew that the two-party political system represented an endless cyclical war of competing opposites which had snowballed out of control due to the fuel of social media and inability of modern political commentators to actually echo the voices of the majority. Keith didn’t have much hope.

Can I still have a Car
Can I still have two cars Mr Climate Scientist?

But there was one area where Keith had truly lost hope. It was in the conservation movement. Keith felt that he had always done his bit for the natural world. He tried to shop local, bought his milk, eggs and meat from the farmer down the road. He only flew for the first time in his mid 30s and for the last 10 years had been able to afford one flight a year to Spain. His family shared one car and he couldn’t really afford to buy huge amounts of meaningless products from Amazon. He liked the odd Attenborough documentary and got a kick out of feeding the birds in the garden. But recently Keith had heard more and more about the damage humans were doing to the world. He had grown more and more worried.

Public Questions Climate Scientist

Every time he went online he was confronted by this Conservation movement. It was telling him that the world was burning, animals were dying and the planet was collapsing. But worst of all it said that it was because of him and his choices. It was because people drank milk, ate meat, drove cars and took flights. But Keith always felt he’d done these things in moderation. He couldn’t afford them in bulk. But the next day he saw on TV thousands of white middle-class humans marching in London, they were called Extinction Rebellion. They were made up of middle class humans who had previously flown multiple times a year, eaten meat every day, consumed copious amounts of dairy, bought hundreds of pointless products and owned two cars. BUT they had suddenly saved the planet by dressing up as Brocilli.

Keith was so confused. He believed in what the Conservation movement was saying to an extent. He didn’t want to see endangered animals disappear and he didn’t want to see ecosystems collapse. But also he didn’t think he was the enemy because he got some cheese from the farmer down the road or took the odd flight to Spain. So Keith decided that he would do the only sensible thing. He wasn’t going to speak to these Extinction Rebellion nutters, he had seen cults before and knew that they couldn’t hi-jack humanities greatest bi-partisan issue. So he decided to speak to a climate scientist and ask a few questions.

We’ve Had Enough of Experts

Keith confronted the climate scientist and asked him “These extreme Conservation voices are saying that it’s me who’s the problem. They’re saying that if I have a bit of milk that I’m raping cows when their Soya bean plantations are raping indigenous communities in the Amazon. They’re saying my holiday to Spain is the work of the devil when they previously flew ten times a year. Is this really true? How much am I going to have to change to save the planet? Can I still have a car and central heating?”

The climate scientist responded “Well yes of course you can Keith. In fact, you bunch in the middle ground are the best of all. You’ve actually been having a minimal negative impact on the planet whilst also not releasing noxious clouds of smug gas every morning. Your life won’t have to change for the worse at all really. You’ll still be able to have a car, keep your annual holiday, get your milk from down the road and have central heating. We can move towards a more sustainable circular economy without your way of life having to suffer. Don’t pay attention to what the Conservation nutters are saying, after all, it’s not really about the planet it’s about them and their cult.”


Can I still have a Car
Can I still have two Cars?

Read more articles like this – here

Find out who the Platypus is – here

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: