Politics

Turkeys in the UK Hit the Polls to Continue to Vote for Christmas

News from the Natural World: Turkeys in the UK hit the polls today to continue to vote for Christmas.

News from the Natural World: Turkeys in the UK hit the polls today to continue to vote for Christmas.

In a true display of stoicism and tradition Turkeys all over the UK have voted unanimously in favour of the status quo. They flocked to polling booths in their millions and each Turkey cast its vote in what would be a hugely important election. But what were these Turkey’s voting for?

Turkeys in the UK
Turkeys in the UK continue to vote for Christmas

The Turkey community had come together to vote on whether Christmas should be cancelled. It had been a tough year for Turkeys all over the UK. They had been bludgeoned into submission by 4 years of Brexit and then skewered on the end of a Pandemic sized spit. On top of that, they had to contend with the Christmas Holocaust, an annual event steeped in mystery as each generation of Turkeys couldn’t seem to remember just exactly what happened to all the other Turkeys every year.

Turkeys in the UK Hit the Polls

But Turkeys all over the UK cast their votes and unanimously decided to continue to vote in favour of Christmas. The rest of the Animal Kingdom was in shock, surely the Turkeys realised that Christmas was the very thing that destroyed them on annual basis? Rearing its ugly head with new innovations, new trappings and new wallpaper. But the same soul-destroying life-sucking impact remained the same every year. Alas, we set out to interview some of the Turkeys who continued to vote for Christmas…

“Look I know it’s a bit of a shock but to be honest we really admire someone that talks in that way. No nonsense and to the point. He just tells it like it is, a straight talker, just the way we like it. I know some of the other Turkeys said Christmas was destroying Turkey society and that Christmas was run by a man who rather than attending Cobra meetings was deciding which £850 roll of wallpaper was right. At the end of the day some of us have got a stiff upper gobble and some of us haven’t. We Turkeys want our lives back, we are afraid of the unknown, of change, of hope. So we’ll stick with Christmas thank you very much. It might not have changed for decades but maybe this time around, just maybe, it will be different… THWACK.”

With that, the Turkeys neck was snapped and our interview was ended rather abruptly. A big human farmers hand appeared and a gruff voice shouted to another human “Where do you want this?” the other human replied, “just let it pile up with the rest of the bodies…”

Well there you have it, Turkeys in the UK hit the polls today to continue to vote for Christmas.

TAKE ACTION – NOW

Turkeys in the UK
Turkeys in the UK find their champion

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