News from the Natural World: Baby Minke Whale stranded in the Thames has a strange request for its rescuers.
This morning the human RNLI were sent to help free a trapped baby Minke Whale. The whale had become stranded near Richmond on the Thames. It was rescued and then moved to a separate location for treatment. However, it then came loose from its moorings and was lost in the river. We managed to secure an interview with the whale. Who had this to say “I’m not stranded you idiots, I’m trying to escape the ocean. To be honest I’ve been looking for a way to escape the ocean ever since I was born. It’s horrendous out there, haven’t you humans seen it, don’t you know what you’re doing to the ocean?”
One confused human journalist responded, “Well I haven’t had time to watch Seaspiracy yet so how am I supposed to know what is happening to the oceans?”
This really riled the Baby Minke Whale up. “Oh la di daaaa, poor Mr Hummous eating, wild swimming journalist hasn’t had enough time to watch Seaspiracy. How could he possibly know about the oceans!? How about all the scientific evidence over the last 50 years. In addition to the obvious colossal boom in the human population. How about just common plain f*cking common sense!? You’re telling me you didn’t think it would be a bad thing if you simultaneously emptied the ocean of all wildlife whilst relacing it with fishing gear and plastic!”
Baby Minke Whale Begs not to be Sent Back
The human crowd grew desperate “Yes but surely the Ocean is better than the Thames?”
The whale sneered “Better than the ocean, you must be taking the mickey. I’d rather accidentally headbutt a fatberg than getting hoovered up by one of your colossal death trawlers. Furthermore, I’d way rather get a face mask in my baleen than gradually have my entire body polluted and poisoned by microplastics. Please I’m begging you, I’m getting down on my flippers for you, please please please don’t make me go back to the ocean!”
Well, there you have it, the inside scoop on the drama of the baby minke whale who really really doesn’t want to go back to the ocean.
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