News from the Natural World: Orangutans say they’d probably have built a nuclear bomb given the chance.
Orangutan society has finally come out and stated that they too would likely have built a death-dealing ape microwaving mega bomb if they’d had the chance. They also stated that humans weren’t the only great ape and it was high time someone else got a shot. The Great Apes belong to a biological group known as Primates and are classified with the great apes. In addition, this is one of the major groups of the primate evolutionary tree. Besides similarities in anatomy and behaviour, humans close biological kinship with other primate species is indicated by DNA evidence.
Four of the six great apes – Eastern Gorilla, Western Gorilla, Bornean Orangutan and Sumatran Orangutan – are now listed as Critically Endangered, whilst the Chimpanzee and Bonobo are listed as Endangered. The final species of Great Apes, the human, isn’t quite so endangered. Humans have managed to colonise the planet, spread war, famine, disease, misery and pain to all life on earth. This can all be summed up in one thing the humans built, the atomic bomb.
Orangutans Say They’d Probably Have Built a Nuclear Bomb
But Orangutans have spoken out and stressed that they too would likely have done the same thing, we interviewed Olga the leader of the Orangutans. “Oh yes, we’ve had our eyes on Hydrogen bombs for some time now. It’s their ability to split atoms and vaporize mammals in the blink of an eye that really appeals. It’s just that we didn’t have the chance to build one. Humans have just gone too far really, we other Great Apes are violent bastards as well and deserve a shot. It’s all a bit dominant isn’t it, all a bit ‘me, me, me’. We’d have definitely developed nuclear bombs, 100%. If I could wipe out that troop of Thomas Leaf Monkey in the neighbouring valley who always steal our fruit, why of why I’d be a local legend.”