News from the Natural World: Primark creates sustainable youth serum to keep factory workers below the age of 11.
Fashion giant and human torturer Primark has launched a new campaign to fight its tarnished image. Long has the ethics of fast fashion been questioned and Primark has borne the brunt of that criticism. Its critics have argued that it is truly the pinnacle of the wasteful fashion world. Churning out cheap low-quality clothing that breaks after 5 minutes and has to be constantly replaced. It has also been attacked for its use of child factory workers. It is also particularly adept at obscuring facts and evidence of its harmful supply chain. But no more will Primark be subjected to this abuse. Finally, it has launched a new sustainable strategy that will green up its image.
Primark announced that it’s launching its “Forever Young” strategy. They feel it is putting them into the realm of the most sustainable fashion company out there. CEO Paul Marchant had this to say; “Forever Young is about our commitment to sustainability and our desire to harvest humans for profit. We see those two strategies as intrinsically aligned. We have developed a new serum made from the blood of billionaires. It will keep out factory workers below the age of 11 for their entire life. This was we have a fully self-sustaining workforce that will never get old. Because we can keep them under the age of 11 we will never have to increase their wages. Nor do we have to improve their working conditions. But most importantly this is a huge win for our customers. They will never have to pay more than a pittance for a sh*tty piece of fabric.”
Primark Creates Sustainable Youth Serum
So it seemed that this new strategy was all about the mythical Primark customer. So we set out to find a human who apparently would welcome the news of the serum and its effect on Primarks workforce;
“Workers rights, human rights, children’s rights it’s all bla bla bla to me. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again if I have to pay more than £3 for a t-shirt then there will be hell to pay!”
Well there you have it, Primark creates a sustainable youth serum to keep factory workers below the age of 11 and its a huge hit with its customers.
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