News from the Natural World: South African Seal meets Human Londoner to compare their respective commutes to work.
So without further ado, Steve the Seal meets Steve the Human;
Steve the Seal: So what’s so bad about your commute?
Steve the Human: Well it’s a bit cramped, to be honest. Sometimes I have to stand up and there isn’t much room.
Steve the Seal: But you’re safe right?
Steve the Human: Well, yeah I guess, but sometimes I can’t really read the Metro, like I can read it but I have to fold it up to read it. Other days I can get through a few chapters of my book but it can be a bit cramped.
Steve the Seal: Right ok. Readings that thing where you can dive into the stories of another one of your species and feel connected to your society through shared narratives?
Steve the Human: Yeah, thats reading.
Steve the Seal: Sounds lovely. It sounds really, really lovely.
Steve the Human: Well yeah I guess its ok. Somedays I don’t read I listen to a Podcast.
Steve the Seal: Whats a Podcast?
Steve the Human: Well, it’s where really interesting or funny humans talk to other interesting and funny humans about topics that you’re interested in. Maybe a hobby or a political subject.
Steve the Seal: How many of them are there?
Steve the Human: Well there’s millions of the buggers, everyone and their nan are releasing a podcast these days. They’re everywhere.
Steve the Seal: That sounds lovely too. I’d listen to a Podcast about different kinds of fish.
South African Seal Compares Commute with Human
Steve the Human: Also, if I feel a bit tired or tipsy and I can’t stomach a Podcast or a Book then I can watch a series on Netflix.
Steve the Seal: Ahhhh Netflix, I heard about that from an Octopus who was repeatedly molested by one of your species. Said that because of Netflix he got attacked by a Shark.
Steve the Human: No no, Netflix is great, it’s endless entertainment at the tips of your fingers.
Steve the Seal: Ok so let me get this straight, your commute to work is on the “Tube”, in this tube you are dry, warm and relatively comfortable. Sometimes it’s a bit cramped but sometimes you get a seat. You often have the option of reading a book or newspaper. In addition, you can listen to a podcast or watch a movie. You generally just sit or stand still and get taken from point a to point b. Sometimes you might have to change the train. Which just involves at most a 5-minute walk (which is good for you anyway) and also a maximum 5-minute wait for the next train. Worst case scenario there are some delays and you just get to read, listen or watch for a bit longer. And no other humans really hassle you?
Steve the Human: No, not really, not during commuting hours no. The odd stare, but not much else.
Steve the Seal: Wow, can’t believe it. I really can’t believe it.
Steve the Human: Why, what’s your commute like? I’ve heard the South African coastline is lovely…
Steve the Seal: It is lovely, it really is, but the commute certainly isn’t.
Steve the Human: Why whats so bad about your commute? Can’t be worse than the tube surely!
Steve the Seal: Well every morning, I and the rest of the seal commuters gather on this massive rock, to get to work we have to take a swim from the rock, across this deep chasm and out into the open ocean. Sounds simple but there is something lurking in the chasm.
Steve the Human: What is it? What’s in the chasm?
Steve the Seal: Hell on earth, that’s what’s in the chasm. Take humanities greatest fear, the Jaws theme tune, and multiply it by ten. That’s my commute, as I flop down to the edge of the rock my heart races as I know what lurks in the deep. The Great White Shark. Terror incarnate. Unlike you humans, I actually have cause to be scared of this animal. My species is its primary food source. It has evolved over millions of years to hunt me and my kind.
Every morning we make the mad dash, staring into the abyss below we cannot see anything but we know that at any moment a hugely powerful force of primal terror and teeth might surge from the depths and eat us alive. Every single commute I have to suffer the real terror of being chomped up whole by the oceans top predator. Even if it isn’t me I watch on as one of my seal colony is dismembered and shredded to pieces before my eyes. At night I have nightmares about flipperless seals flailing in the water, blood streaming from eviscerated flesh. Frankly, it is terrifying, there is no greater fear than being eaten by another animal.
Steve the Human: Well I guess so, but you’re in the ocean aren’t you, doesn’t sound very cramped to me…
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